35+ Best Bill Maher Quotes: Exclusive Selection

William Maher is an American comedian, political commentator, and television host known for his acerbic political commentary. Profoundly inspirational Bill Maher quotes will fire up your brain and encourage you to look at life differently while making you laugh.

If you’re searching for famous quotes by comedians that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of profound Bo Burnham quotes, amazing Dave Chappelle quotes and top Ellen DeGeneres quotes.

Famous Bill Maher Quotes

As for the shows, he had suffered only a bit less horribly than the crowds who had had to watch him that weekend-watch him die four slow, painful deaths.

If a fourteen year-old can deliver your message, it’s not because he’s gifted. It’s because intellectually, you’re a child.

The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

And the more comedians there were, the more the bargaining power of each descended.

Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that.

Bill Maher quotes

What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.

Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.

While you’re telling me how your March Madness bracket is doing, you must also fill me in on your vacation and show me pictures of your kids.

It was difficult, in fact, even to measure maturity among comedians by any of the usual societal yardsticks; certainly, age was not a factor.

Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies.

The next reality show must be called America’s Stupidest State. We’ll start at 50, and each week, if your state does something really stupid with, say evolution or images of the Virgin Mary, you’ll love on to the next round.

My bank must stop trying to sell me identity theft protection. You know why I expect you to protect my money? Because you’re a bank.

You can’t criticize a governor for not hiring black people for his cabinet when his state has no black people.

Before I die, could someone make one more movie I want to go see?

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.

I defy you to name one thing accomplished by religion that is dependent upon religion.

The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.

Inspirational Bill Maher Quotes

My personal savior is common sense. And as far as God goes, I prefer to believe in one that would want me to use the excellent brain he gave us all.

Be honest: It’s not a religion; it’s just an excuse for a bake sale.

When opportunity knocks, all some people can do is complain about the noise.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president.

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

If you’re going to have a rally where hundreds of thousands of people show up, you may as well go ahead and make it about something.

Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

We have a Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.

With Stem cell research properly funded, scientists believe we could do everything from curing Parkinson’s to regenerating spinal cord tissues in Democrats.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs.