52+ Best Funny Book Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Book is a written text that can be published in printed or electronic form. Profoundly inspirational funny book quotes will challenge the way you think, and make your life worth living.

If you’re searching for amusing quotes and best funny inspirational quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of inspiring funny girlfriend quotes, powerful funny diet quotes and famous funny business quotes.

Famous Funny Book Quotes

I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. Woody Allen

You can’t enjoy art or books in a hurry. E.A. Bucchianeri,

One trouble with developing speed reading skills is that by the time you realize a book is boring you’ve already finished it. Franklin P. Jones

If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens. E.A. Bucchianeri

This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two. George Burns

A book can give you an experience of someone’s life in a few hours, and this is far more profitable than any sale that’s going on. Neeraj Agnihotri

There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. Joseph Brodsky

Dogs are angels full of poop. Oliver Gaspirtz

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folks have lent me. Anatole France

Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it’s romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that’s really all romance and courtship is to a man hoops he has to jump through to get laid. Oliver Markus

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author. Robert Benchley

For some reason riding a caffeinated dragon just sounded like a monumentally bad idea. A.J. Sky

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. Frank Zappa

Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you’re saying, but shut your pretty pie hole. Cristin Harber

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading contest. I hit a bookmark. Stephen Wright

Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I’d have one fucked up garden if that were the case. Carla H. Krueger

Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it’s dead friends in your hand. Kyle Lippert

Holy hell, did she love her a good dimple. And this one was deadly. She needed to get him to stop smiling. Now. Jami Gold

That for Dummies publisher rejected my ventriloquism book. Just Bill

It was if the devil himself had devised the perfect earthly torture for Lady Alicia Lawrence. Now how will I occupy myself when I get to hell? Celeste Bradley

A library is a place where you can lose your innocence without losing your virginity. Germaine Greer

Erroh has a plan. A simple plan. It’ll never work. Robert J. Power

A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. Gilbert K. Chesterton

Self identify your gender? Why not self identify your species, too? I’m a dog now. Oliver Markus Malloy

I heard that Amazon has started a program to try to get people to trade in their old bound books to get an electronic reader. They call it Kindling. Kate Deimling

Roaches should never trust humans. We’re all doomed. La Tisha Honor

Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers. Harry S Truman

Oh no? he sneered, pulling a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up. Knowing what you’re like, the slightest sign of a discarded cigarette butt and you would’ve been crawling around on your hands and knees trying to figure out how tall the smoker was, how old he was, what zodiac sign he was, whether he’d taken a crap that morning, and Christ knows what else. Tim O’Rourke

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. George Bernard Shaw

Leon went to show his Coven insignia to prove he was a member but had a wicked thought slither into his brain. A wildly crazy smile coiled on his lips as he skillfully kept the silver emblem from sight. He thumbed back at the door. You know how girls are. Make one joke about the size of their thighs, and it’s out the door with you. Nia Rose

People can lose their lives in libraries. They ought to be warned. Saul Bellow

Everything I touched seemed to be cursed the next person who came in contact with that sunbed probably contracted HIV and died of a stubbed toe. Bing Fraser

One advantage reading books has over TV is you can’t read books and do housework at the same time. Melanie White

I was in no position to make decisions. But something inside of me screamed to live my life and I was pretty sure it was the alcohol. Laura C. Reden

I’ve often thought of writing my autobiography and selling it as a cure for insomnia. Melanie White

Oh, calm down, Olivia, I’m not asking for one of your kidneys. I just need to borrow one of Greg’s Magnum P.I. thingies. Tiffany Ryan

My wife doesn’t watch soap operas. She’s too busy reading romance novels. Melanie White

What’s not to love? I made friends with a pretty girl and now we get to plan a castle break in. This beats the day to day kill, eat and survive. Emilyann Girdner

As a pioneer in free ebooks more than ten years ago, I feel like I have to keep up, hence my announcement today that to go with the new Kindle Zero, the free edition of my new book comes with a new Buick LeSabre or a large fig newton, your choice. While supplies last, one per customer. Seth Godin

Ah, like how Sharon Parker’s bra kind of found its way into your locker?”

He leaned in, resting his elbows on the table. Are you going to constantly bring these things up the entire time we’re dating? Sorry. Just using my prior knowledge to try and gauge what kind of fake boyfriend you’re going to make. Well, if your bitterness is any indication of the kind of fake girlfriend you’re going to be, I won’t hold my breath for you to fake put out. Jennifer Shirk

No one ever shouts in a bookstore. Lillian Jackson Braun

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face. Oliver Oliver Reed

It is clear that the books owned the shop rather than the other way about. Everywhere they had run wild and taken possession of their habitat, breeding and multiplying, and clearly lacking any strong hand to keep them down. Agatha Christie

There was a part of my brain that wanted to ask if his wife had a beard, verify my theory. I told that part of my brain to shut up. R.R. Virdi

When I visit a new bookstore, I demand cleanliness, computer monitors, and rigorous alphabetization. When I visit a secondhand bookstore, I prefer indifferent housekeeping, sleeping cats, and sufficient organizational chaos. Anne Fadiman

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. Oliver Oliver Reed

What do I miss? Second hand bookshops where I can find things I had no idea I wanted. David Mitchell

Sean was stung. I do not fuck everything that has a pulse, he said haughtily. I have my standards. I limit myself to endoskeletal organisms. I always go for vertebrates. And I dont’t do reptiles. Ever. Shannon McKenna

I have gone to this bookshop for years, always finding the one book I wanted  and then three more I hadn’t known I wanted. Mary Ann Shaffer