40+ Best Funny Mom Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Motherhood has a lot of funniest things to laugh about. Inspirational funny mom quotes and the most hilarious phrases will brighten up your day and make you smile.

If you’re searching for I love my family quotes and sweet sibling quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of meaningful grandchildren quotes, greatest niece quotes and sweet grandpa quotes.

Funny Mother Quotes

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Tina Fey

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? Milton Berle

No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too. Chrissy Teigen

Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future. Amy Poehler

Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep. Shonda Rhimes

funny mom quotes

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. Nora Ephron

A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. Tenneva Jordan

It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of food that my kid didn’t finish… Carrie Underwood

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. Calvin Trillin

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. Unknown

When the milk first comes in, it’s like a tsunami. Emily Blunt

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy. Michelle Pfeiffer

beautiful funny mom quotes

Best Funny Mother Quotes

My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’ Paula Poundstone

I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them. Reese Witherspoon

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller

Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch of her and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.’ Christina Applegate

If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man — and by ‘party’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider. Olivia Wilde

The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn’t finish. Carrie Underwood

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. Sam Levenson

inspiring funny mom quotes

Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy. Barbara Walters

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me. Calvin

It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it. Betty White

Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us? Alyson Hannigan

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. Oscar Wilde

Motherhood: feeding them as a baby and then through most of their twenties. Unknown

Raising a kid is part joy and part Guerilla warfare.  Ed Asner

If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start. Unknown

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller

sweet funny mom quotes

Amazing Funny Mother Quotes

Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse. Nia Vardalos

Ah, babies. They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Tina Fey

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. Dorothy Parker

[Having four kids is] endless stuff. It’s endless entertainment, it’s endless stress, endless responsibility. Everyone’s at different ages and levels, everyone’s into different stuff. But everyone is into slime. Maya Rudolph

Parenting tip: maybe don’t leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room. Rachel Dratch

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. Erma Bombeck

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.”

A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children; obstetrically once and by car forever after. Peter De Vries

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. Jerry Seinfeld

I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.

A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her family. Lynne Williams

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