91+ Best Funny Mom Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Inspirational funny mom quotes will brighten up your day and make you feel ready to take on anything.

I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them. – Reese Witherspoon

Everything has changed, and yet, I’m more me than I’ve ever been. – Iain Thomas

Children are a great comfort in your old age and they help you reach it faster, too – Lionel

There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. – Jill Churchill

Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride – Unknown

To the world you are a Mother, but to your family you are the World. – Unknown

No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too. – Chrissy Teigen

Neurotics build castles in the air; psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. – Rita Rudner

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. – Rodney Dangerfield

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. – Phyllis Diller

My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim. – Paula Poundstone

Being a mom has made me really tired and so happy. – Tina Fey

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant and let the air out of the tires. – Dorothy Parker

Let me love you a little more before you’re not little anymore. – Unknown

Just when you think you know love, something little comes along and reminds you just how big it is. – Unknown

She taught me that fear is not an option. – Diane Von Furstenberg

I know how to do anything I’m a mom. – Roseanne Barr

It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it. – Betty White

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. – Dave Barry

Nobody loves me but my mother, and she could be jivin’ too. – B. B. King

I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So, I became a Mom. – Unknown

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. – Phyllis Diller

Of all the things my hands have held, the best, by far, is you. – Unknown

I’m proud of many things in life but nothing beats being a mother. – Unknown

“I gave you life, but really, you gave me mine. – Unknown

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or ask your kids not to do it. – Malcolm Kushner

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws. – Barbara Kingsolver

She has to have four arms, four legs, two hearts and double the love. There is nothing single about a single mother – Unknown

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had. – Linda Wooten

Even on the days, you feel like you are failing, look around. Your child’s smile will bring you right back up – Unknown

Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids. – Unknown

When you love what you have, you have everything you need. – Unknown

” My mom’s favorite Stevie Wonder song is, “”I Just Called to Say Someone You Don’t Know Has Cancer.”” – Damien Fahey “

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children. – Susan Savannah

Nothing is really lost until mom can’t find it. – Unknown

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. – Lane

Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. – Unknown

I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is. – Oprah Winfrey

I loved you before I knew you. – Unknown

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. – Tim Allen

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh. – Bob Monkhouse

Over the years I have learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, the joining of which obligates one to relinquish all claims to personal possessions. – Nancy Stahl

Did you know, when kids go to bed, you can hear yourself think again? I sound fabulous. – Paige Kellerman

When I raise my voice, my kids call it ‘yelling’ but I call it ‘motivational speaking’ for the selective hearing."

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me. – Calvin

Delusions are often functional. A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth. – Robert A. Heinlein

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. – Rita Rudner

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, Steven, time to go to sleep. I said, ‘But I don’t know how. She said, ‘It’s really easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left. So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said i thought I told you to go to sleep. – Steven Wright

A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by mother, who sees that the others get it. – Marcelene Cox

A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s. – Princess Diana

Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy. – Tina Fey

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. – Sophia Loren

Little souls find their way to you whether they’re from your womb or someone else’s. – Sheryl Crow

My daughter introduced me to myself. – Beyoncé Knowles

Motherhood: Powered by love. Fueled by coffee. Sustained by wine. – Unknown

Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was. – Jenny McCarthy

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. – Calvin Trillin

Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears. – Kate Winslet

My favorite thing about being a mom is just what a better person it makes you on a daily basis. – Drew Barrymore

At the end of the day my most important job is still mom-in-chief. – Michelle Obama

If you’re a mom, you’re a superhero. Period. – Rosie Pope

I’ve never had more appreciation for anyone in my entire life until I became a mom. – Chrissy Teigen

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. – Oscar Wilde

You have my whole heart for my whole life. – Unknown

I’m a strong woman because a strong woman raised me. – Unknown

A mother and daughter’s love is never separated. – Viola Shipman

I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I am looking in the mirror! – Ash Sweeney

The way I feel, if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, I’ve done my job. – Roseanne Barr

Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare. – Ed Asner

I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement. – Tina Fey

Motherhood is like Albania–you can’t trust the descriptions in the books, you have to go there. – Marni Jackson

So thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well. – George W. Bush

A mother is your first friend, your best friend, your forever friend. – Unknown

Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are. – Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Moms are the people who know us the best and love us the most. – Unknown

A mother’s love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible – Marion C. Garretty.

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school. – Anon

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. – Phyllis Diller

Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired; it need not be deserved. – Erich Fromm

For a mother is the only person on earth who can divide her love among 10 children and each child still have all her love. – Unknown

A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take. – Cardinal Mermillod

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing. – Kin Hubbard

It’s not over until the fat lady sings, but even after she sings, packs up and goes home, my mom will still be saying goodbye to me on the phone. – Just Lamenting

There is nothing as powerful as mother’s love, and nothing as healing as a child’s soul. – Unknown

Happiness is seeing your mother smile. – Unknown

No matter how much I say I love you, I always love you more than that. – Unknown

I love my mother as trees love water and sunshine. She helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. – Terry Guillemets

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. – Erma Bombeck

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base. – Dave Barry

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead. – Jeff Shaw

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

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