32+ Best Funny Mom Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Motherhood has a lot of funniest things to laugh about. Inspirational funny mom quotes and the most hilarious phrases will brighten up your day and make you smile.

If you’re searching for I love my family quotes and sweet sibling quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of meaningful grandchildren quotes, greatest niece quotes and sweet grandpa quotes.

Funny Mother Quotes

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. Nora Ephron

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too. Chrissy Teigen

Sleeping with a toddler is like sharing a bed with a drunk octopus who is looking for his car keys

Two years old referred to her coat pockets as snack holes and this is what I shall forever call them. Rebecca Caprara

Every night I try to get 8 hours of sleep in 4 hours

Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future. Amy Poehler

Working mothers are like guinea pigs in a science experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life

It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of food that my kid didn’t finish. Carrie Underwood

Based on the amount of laundry I have to do on a daily basis; I’m going to assume there are people living in this house that I haven’t met yet

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children.Susan Savannah

I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them. Reese Witherspoon

Hey NASA, do you mind looking for my son’s shoes while you’re on Mars? He’s looked everywhere.

Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse. Nia Vardalos

I feel like nobody prepared me for how long I’d be wiping my kids’ butts and I’m not ok with it

Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life. Mindy Kaling

Now, tell me more about these ‘days off’ and ‘weekends’ you speak of and how do I sign up for them?

I’ve conquered a lot of things . blood clots in my lungs  twice, knee and foot surgeries  winning Grand Slams being down match point  to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller! Serena Williams

Being a mom means having to choose between eating, showering, or sleeping. You can’t do all three in one day

I’m unsure when my going to the bathroom turned into a family meeting, but I should definitely contact HR. Oh wait, that’s me.

Parenthood is a journey except it’s just traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day long

A mom only truly understands the meaning of rage when your child walks past everyone else in the house to find you in the bathroom to open their juice box

I see you have created a tiny human. I, too, have done this 

One of the simple pleasures of parenting is locking yourself in the bathroom with a handful of your children’s Halloween candy

Not all who wander are lost. Some are Moms, in Target, filling their carts with a bunch of things they don’t even need

If you want your child’s full immediate attention, try using the bathroom alone

A good mom friend will volunteer to be on your kid’s emergency contact list for school. A great mom friend will laugh and not judge you when you let her know she’s already been on the emergency contact list for three years 

If you stare longingly at your bathtub more than you do at your partner, you might be a mom

Currently approaching my kids’ friends based on which parents I think will drink wine with me on play dates

Nothing pairs better with a long soak, candles, and wine than a four year-old pressed against the bathroom door repeating the phrase, Mom, are you in there!

When you try to make plans with other mom friends and you realize none of you are free for the next 20 years