62+ Best Funny Thanksgiving Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Thanksgiving is the act of saying or showing that you are grateful, especially to God. Inspirational funny thanksgiving quotes will inspire growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.

If you’re searching for funniest quotes and greatest funny friendship quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of popular funny christmas quotes, top funny work quotes and uplifting sarcastic quotes.

Famous Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. Henry David Thoreau

If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself. Mitch Hedberg

We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count. Neal A. Maxwell

A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying “that smells good” to be helping. Jimmy Fallon

What if, today, we were grateful for everything? Charlie Brown

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. Phyllis Diller

Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don’t unravel. Unknown

Thanksgiving when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. Melanie White

Thanksgiving just gets me all warm and tingly and all kinds of wonderful inside. Willard Scott

I’m excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.

Be present in all things and thankful for all things. Maya Angelou

Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. Johnny Carson

Thanksgiving Day is a good day to recommit our energies to giving thanks and just giving. Amy Grant

It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds.

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our Thanksgiving. W.T. Purkiser

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing. George Carlin

Pie makes everybody happy. Laurie Halse Anderson

funny thanksgiving quotes

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not a coincidence. Erma Bombeck

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. Willie Nelson

Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are? Kenny Rogerson

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. Oprah Winfrey

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime.

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. Meister Eckhart

I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. Jon Stewart

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. Melody Beattie

I like football. I find it an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversations with your family on Thanksgiving. Craig Ferguson

Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: It must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all. William Faulkner

Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape … to play Santa Claus. Melanie White

Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is. Ernest Hemingway

best funny thanksgiving quotes

Inspirational Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that. Howie Mandel

Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot. Hansa Proverb

I don’t eat pumpkin pie. It’s made from the guts of jack-o-lanterns, and that’s just spooky. Melanie White

Forever on Thanksgiving Day the heart will find the pathway home. Wilbur D. Nesbit

Store security stopped my wife at the door for trying to steal a butterball turkey. I had to show ID proving I’m not a butterball turkey. Just Bill

If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share. W. Clement Stone

What does an English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.

If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily. Gerald Good

You know that just before the first Thanksgiving, there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” Dylan Brody

Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other. Randy Pausch

Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.

Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. Native American Saying

top funny thanksgiving quotes

A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No they’re dead”.

After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations. Oscar Wilde

I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family. Damien Fahey

Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. Kevin James

Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home. Melanie White

I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it. Robert Brault

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck

I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. Craig Ferguson

Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life. Lindsey Bareham

popular funny thanksgiving quotes

It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds. Unknown

Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence. Erma Bombeck

I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast. Charlie Brown

It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour. Lorelai Gilmore

The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we all can agree so vehemently about? I don’t think so. Nora Ephron

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcine

What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? Erma Bombeck

We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all. Unknown

Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey-until Thanksgiving. Mike Connolly

If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken. Ina Garten

My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jello with whipped cream on it. And it’s delicious. Bobby Moynihan

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. Jim Davis

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