Hello there, internet. Don’t worry, it’s just me, a teenager with issues, here to share what she’s learnt
from the slice of life that she’s been served. And today, we’re talking about something we’ve all faced, and that is being lonely. Yeah, that’s right, I’m looking at you. I’m sure you’ve been lonely before, or are lonely, or will be lonely. It’s just one of the suckier parts of being a living, breathing, feeling, human being. Sometimes we just have lonely nights, and if you’re anything like me then you have lonely weeks or months. It’s okay though, because like most of the suckier parts of being human, loneliness is temporary. So, put on your favorite happy song that takes you to a good place, and sit down with me so I can share my loneliness survival guide with you.
✮ First Off- Let’s Get Clichés Out of Our Way. ✮
Anyone who’s ever tried asking for help has heard these tried and tested clichés before- things like “look
at the glass half full, not half empty” or “just think of how lucky you are and how many people have it worse” and even just the plain and simple “why don’t you just cheer up?”. I know, they can get a little annoying, but some clichés exist for a reason, and I’ll be touching on this again towards the end of the post. I know that when I was at my worst, these clichés did almost nothing for me. It was only several epiphanies later that I rea lized that *some* of these clichés ring true. This is coming from me, and I’m one of the most cynical people I know, so trust me when I say that I was duly shocked. So just keep in mind that your friend feeding you the annoying and seemingly overly positive clichés has only the best intentions. The next time you get a cliché thrown at you, just take it as a sign that somebody wants you to recover, and trust that one day when you’re past the loneliness you will understand them. Now that we’ve gotten my little side note about clichés out-of-the-way, I just want to reassure you that my survival guide will be clear of any clichés, because I know right now you probably don’t want to hear them.
☞ Random Loneliness Distraction #1 – make yourself a nice steaming cup of Chamomile tea, or green tea, or mint tea, or any tea. Just sit with it for a while, maybe go to somewhere peaceful and get a book along with you. Trust me, it can do wonders.
✮ Never Underestimate the Power of Small Steps. ✮
There are a few tiny things you can do that will boost your mood and keep you positive. When I say small, I mean small. Things like brewing yourself a cup of tea (or coffee, or hot chocolate, or whatever floats your boat) and putting on some happy music or just making your bed and giving yourself a manicure (and yes, guys, you can get manis too!) or even writing out your feelings in a blog (*cough* basically what I do *cough* it works *cough*). Never underestimate the power of doing something tiny for yourself, because forward is forward, and you shouldn’t ever forget that ♥ There are times where even forcing yourself outside for a small walk or combing through your hair will make you feel more connected to the world around you.
☞ Random Loneliness Distraction #2 – go take a long shower, even if it’s the middle of the day. Showers help you think clearer, and they’re always soothing!
Sometimes it’s the little things that will make you feel better, and by little, I mean really little. Just trust me on this one, small things can bring your mood up before you even know it!
✮ Overthinking Will Only Hurt You, Commit to Stopping It! ✮
I know I can dedicate a whole post to this topic, because I like to think that over thinking is this bad habit that most of us have, but for now I’m going to keep it relatively short. If you’ve been lonely before, then you’re well acquainted with the vicious cycle where you’re lonely, so you over think, and you self-depreciate with your over thinking, so you get lonelier, and then you wind up over thinking even more. Sounds exhausting, right? That’s because it is. The lonely mind tends to get negative faster and a huge reason why is over thinking. The cycle of over thinking is difficult to get out of, and sometimes the only way to stop over thinking is to just stop. No, I’m not kidding. You need to start developing that voice in your head that fights back all your negative thoughts with blatant positivity. For example, when you’re overthinking and conclude that nobody wants you, think “that’s not true, I’m just sad right now. I’m wanted, no matter what I tell myself.” Sometimes you just need to stop yourself in your own tracks.
☞ Random Loneliness Distraction #3 – put on some happy music! Taylor Swift’s ‘22’ or Zara Larsson’s ‘Lush Life’ are perfect examples of happy cheesy music to pump you back up.
And when it comes to stopping yourself in your own tracks, an important thing to remember is that cutting down on your over thinking starts out as a conscious effort where you force yourself to quiet down the negativity. Like any mental recovery training, it will take a while before positive thinking becomes second nature, but don’t worry- you’ll get there.
✮ Always Keep in Mind That Feelings Are Temporary. ✮
This is one thing I say to myself a lot when I’m sad or in pain. I always repeat in my head, “feelings are temporary”. I think it’s a good practice because it puts things in perspective. The dull ache of loneliness won’t last forever, and you should remember that. It puts your pain in perspective, which is a very healthy way of dealing with it. I know, lonely days seem to stretch on forever, but it’s important to remember that they will end and the loneliness will soon be a lesson that you look back on.
☞ Random Loneliness Distraction #4 – doodle something. Anything with color is always a good place to start, and creativity can be an amazing distraction.
It takes emotional stamina to survive a bout of loneliness, and I know you can do it. It’s difficult, but this is where a tried and tested cliché comes in – you need to remember that life is a marathon, not a race. This is temporary loneliness, and it won’t last forever. You need to trust that, and use it to keep your morale as high as possible. You’ve got this, and when this cloud of darkness is over you’ll be so happy you stuck through all of this.
Those are just a few of the main things to remember when you’re feeling lonely. I think that they really put things in perspective and help you stick through the loneliness and learn as much as possible from it. Feeling isolated sucks, I know. Sometimes I think that nothing’s worse than feeling completely out of the loop. Some people live in a constant state of loneliness, and it’s not the best feeling out there, but it’s worth remembering that all feelings are temporary. You will feel better. You will have so many more better days, and a few lonely nights doesn’t mean the end of the world.
✮ Places Where You Can Get Help ✮
Talk to a stranger about your problems at http://www.7cups.com/ where you will get a non-judgmental listener. ♥
https://thesadghostclub.com/ is a place where you’ll see other people who have been in your shoes
http://www.boredbutton.com/ provides tons of fun distractions for when you just need an immediate distraction tool!
https://loneliness.supportgroups.com/ is another place where you can talk to and hear from people in your position, and you can see that you aren’t alone.
Just always remember that just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean you’re alone. I’m sending loads of love your way, and I hope your loneliness clears up soon.
Love, Queertastic. ♥