Naturally, grief associates with loss and sadness. It’s an intense emotion that’s unbearable. We focus on the depressing side effects of grief but what about the good side? Is there a good side? What does it mean to lose someone? We’re filled with unanswered questions, anger, and hurt, but is a hidden gift wrapped in our grief?
The gift of feeling
When we grieve, we feel. Some people claim they’re emotionless, but we’re human. It’s OK to feel betrayed by life or robbed. The pain of grieving is intense that we feel like giving up. How will life be without this person? When we feel this way, we are displaying love. What an extraordinary gift. To have so much love that once we lose it we are lost. We really have to analyze this in our seven stages of grief. I know it’s tough, but God gave you someone who challenged your emotions – who made you feel truly human. Feeling great love for someone is one of the greatest gifts God can give us. So when we lose them, we realize the love we had for them. Sometimes, we can’t measure the love we had for them – it’s too painful to think about. To feel that way for someone is a blessing. This means you are capable of providing great love.
The gift of knowing
We take each other for granted daily. Some of us don’t deeply examine how important we are to each other. We let arguments and silly situations block our appreciation. Once that person is gone, we beat ourselves up. “Why didn’t I say I love you?” “I’m such a bad person for yelling at them before they died.” These thoughts don’t get us anywhere. I lost a really good friend who was like a big brother to me back in 2012. I was mad at him for five years prior to his death. I’m not really sure why I didn’t speak to him for five years. When he passed, I cried nonstop because I hated myself for wasting time. For years, I couldn’t get over wasting five years – in those years, we would’ve had many more moments together. One day, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I realized the times we did have together will always be with me. How blessed was I to know someone so cool and unique. Once I felt this way, the grief turned into a beautiful thing. It made me acknowledge I did love him and appreciate him. Those five years of not speaking didn’t matter because during that time, I still loved him.
The gift of letting go
The hardest part is letting go. In our minds, this means that person is officially gone. We will forget about them thus we never cared about them. This is not true. God wants us to use what that person taught us and carry on. What does their death mean? When a parent loses a child, they can’t comprehend why God allowed this. But why was the child in your life for only a moment? What is God trying to tell the parents? Maybe, the parent’s loss is a reminder to all of us how short life can be. It creates a chain reaction of appreciation for life. I can’t begin to imagine losing a child, so I won’t dig deeper in this subject. But I wonder if God allows this to test how much we really cherish our lives?
Letting go of someone you’re not ready to let go of is a test to our humanity. How will we handle it? Maybe the true test of love is not handling it at all but simply letting that person explore the next journey of their life. Grief makes this difficult. But grieving can give you a new purpose to love – what a gift.