Sarcasm is a wry form of humor and these quotes can express what you really feel on the inside. If you are a sarcasm lover and enjoy this particularly biting form of humor, then these sarcastic sayings are a must read and you’ll be mentally prepared to deal with society for the rest of the day.
Clever Sarcastic Quotes
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
“I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing
“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
“I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
“I’m not crazy; my reality is just different from yours.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“I’m not ignoring you. I’m just giving you time to realize you’re wrong.”
“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just isn’t as much fun.”
“I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.”
“I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.”
“I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.”
“If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d call you.”
“I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”
“I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dumb dictionary at home.”
“I don’t know what makes you so dumb, but it really works.”
“I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just saying you’ve got bad luck thinking.”
Humorous Sarcastic Quotes
“I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you why you’re wrong.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.”
“I don’t have the energy to pretend I like you today.”
“I’m not rude, I’m just honest.”
“I’m not great at advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
“I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just surprised you graduated from kindergarten.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just giving you time to realize you’re wrong.”
“Sarcasm: because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”
“I’m not sarcastic, I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”
“I’m not rude, I just speak what everyone else is thinking.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.”
“I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just giving you time to realize you’re wrong.”
“Sarcasm: because beating the crap out of people is illegal.”
“I’m not sarcastic, I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Life
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
“I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”
“Life is a soup and I’m a fork.”
“The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.”
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.”
“I’m not a complete idiot. Some pieces are missing.”
“Life is short, make every hair flip count.”
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”
“If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?”
“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me…I’ll laugh at you.”
“I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.”
“I’m not arguing. I’m explaining why I’m right.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.”
“I’m not crazy. My reality is just different from yours.”
“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me…I’ll laugh at you.”
“I’m not arguing. I’m explaining why I’m right.”
“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Work
“I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.”
“I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.”
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. So I used my paycheck as the first slide.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
“Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours.”
“My favorite part of the day is leaving work to go home.”
“I’m not great at advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
“I don’t always work, but when I do, I make sure it’s not today.”
“I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, and 4% Friday.”
“I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”
“I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“My job is secure. No one else wants it.”
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
“I don’t have a bad attitude. I just have a personality you can’t handle.”
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. So I used my paycheck as the first slide.”
“I’m not lazy. I’m just on my energy-saving mode.”
“I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, and 4% Friday.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Love
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”
“Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery
“Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.”
“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.”
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
“Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.”
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s probably broken.”
“Love is sharing your popcorn.”
“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” – Woody Allen
“Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns
“Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.”
“Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery
“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken
“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle
“Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.” – Fulton J. Sheen
Sarcastic Quotes About Family
“Family: where life begins and love never ends… until someone eats your leftovers.”
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
“Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst.”
“I smile because you’re my family. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Family: We may not have it all together, but together we have it all… mostly dysfunction.”
“The bigger the family, the more laundry you’ll have to do.”
“Family: the people you can’t live with and can’t live without.”
“Family: where we pretend to tolerate each other and go back for seconds.”
“The only thing more exhausting than parenting is pretending to like your relatives.”
“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.”
“Family: where you’re loved no matter how much you drive each other crazy.”
“In our family, normal is just a setting on the washing machine.”
“Family: like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one.”
“The bigger the family, the more chaos you get.”
“Family: the reason we drive each other crazy and the reason we still stick together.”
“Home is where your crazies are.”
“Family: the only people who can get on your nerves and make you feel loved all at the same time.”
“Family: we put the ‘fun’ in dysfunction.”
“Family: the ones who drive you nuts, but you still love them.”
“Family: where the battles begin and love wins in the end.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Friends
“Friends are like stars. They come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow.”
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” – Bernard Meltzer
“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”
“Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stick, like an octopus on your face.”
“Friends don’t let friends do silly things alone.”
“We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.”
“Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.”
“Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.”
“A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move a dead body.” – Jim Hayes
“Friends are God’s way of apologizing for your family.”
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” – C.S. Lewis
“Friends are like diamonds – bright, beautiful, valuable, and always in style.”
“Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.”
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things alone.”
“A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else.”
“Friends knock on the door. Best friends walk into your house and start eating.”
“Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stick, like an octopus on your face.”
“A friend will always make you smile, especially when you don’t want to.”
“Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.”
“A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move a dead body.” – Jim Hayes
Sarcastic Quotes About School
“School: where you spend the first 18 years of your life preparing for the first eight-hour job you have.”
“I was born intelligent, but education ruined me.”
“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.” – Derek Bok
“School: where you are always a beginner at something you have no interest in.”
“The only thing we learn from new books is the fact that some of us learn nothing from old ones.” – G.K. Chesterton
“The only thing I learned in school was how to be good at tests.”
“School: the place where you spend your days being educated by people who don’t know the meaning of ‘fun’.”
“The more you learn, the more you realize how little you know.”
“School: the place where you learn the basics of life, and nothing about taxes or bills.”
“I never let my schooling interfere with my education.” – Mark Twain
“School: where you learn lessons that are irrelevant to real life.”
“School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it’s gone.”
“Education is the passport to the future, but it’s one expensive trip.”
“School: the only place where you’re forced to be with people you don’t like.”
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
“School: the place where you learn everything except how to be yourself.”
“I spent 113,880 hours of my life for a paper and a handshake.”
“School: the place where we learn that there are 206 bones in the human body, and 207 by the end of gym class.”
“I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I realized what was telling me that.”
“School: where every teacher’s favorite quote is ‘I don’t know, can you?'”
Sarcastic Quotes About Money
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.”
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.”
“Money talks, but all mine ever says is ‘Goodbye.'”
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.” – David Lee Roth
“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Rogers
“Money is the best deodorant.” – Elizabeth Taylor
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” – Dorothy Parker
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a better class of enemy.” – Spike Milligan
“If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.”
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.” – Will Rogers
“The lack of money is the root of all evil.” – Mark Twain
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a lot of things that will make you miserable in comfort.”
“The easiest way to make money is to print it.”
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can rent it for a while.”
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS Auditor
“Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” – Christopher Marlowe
“I don’t have a lot of money, but I do have a lot of money-related problems.”
Sarcastic Quotes About Success
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
“Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.” – T.S. Eliot
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” – Albert Schweitzer
“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” – Henry David Thoreau
“Success is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration, and 100% resignation.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
“I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.” – G.K. Chesterton
“The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.” – Aristotle Onassis
“Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.” – Ingrid Bergman
“Success is not the absence of failure; it’s the persistence through failure.” – Aisha Tyler
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
“Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” – Bill Gates
“Success is not in what you have, but who you are.” – Bo Bennett
“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.” – Robert Collier
“Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.” – Orison Swett Marden
“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
“Success is not a destination, but the road that you’re on.”
Deniz Yalım is the founder and visionary behind BayArt, a platform renowned for its deeply resonant and inspirational content focusing on love, relationship, happiness, success and motivation.
With a background rich in literature, psychology, and communication, Deniz has dedicated their career to the art of using words to inspire and empower. Passionate about the transformative power of language, Deniz has skillfully curated BayArt to be a platform for those seeking wisdom and guidance in the realms of love and life.
Their writings not only reflect a deep understanding of human emotions and relationships but also aim to ignite change and encourage positive thinking. Through BayArt, Deniz Yalım continues to touch lives, offering solace, motivation, and a sense of connectedness to a global community.
