Do I regret anything I did this year? Overall, no. I’ve made some mistakes for sure but I’ve learnt so much, grown so much as person.
I started the year on a low, filled with anxiety. I soon lifted myself into a better place, finding a job and following that with finding a new home. I had support from my family and friends and I couldn’t do without it. But this year I saved myself. I had to have faith that I could do a full time job after being ill and that I could cope on my own, away from the home I’ve known my whole life.
I met new people, threw myself into performing in public again, been the bridesmaid for one of my best friends, went to Dublin, Exeter, an amazing music festival, gigs, auditioned for The Voice, been approached by music producers and been offered a paid gig. I’ve laughed a lot, cried my eyes out and loved with a wild heart.
I know this year hasn’t ended yet, but I just wanted to take stock of everything I’ve been through.
Now, although I’ve lost things which meant a lot and were so special to me, I’m investing in me, learning new skills and strengths, enjoying creating and giving myself a chance to do what I’m interested and passionate about. It’s still a struggle some of the time, a lot of the time. I’m getting counselling to try and gain a grasp on my feelings and feel more steady.
I’ve had people tell me that I have a light in me that never goes out, a flame, sometimes it dims and smoulders but keeps going regardless. I can feel it slowly growing brighter again and I guess that’s because I’m saving myself now.