86+ Best Funny Real Estate Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Real estate is property consisting of land and the buildings on it, along with its natural resources such as crops, minerals or water; immovable property of this nature; an interest vested in this an item of real property, buildings or housing in general. Inspirational funny real estate quotes will challenge the way you think, and help guide you through any life experience.

If you’re searching for funniest quotes and extremely funny motivational quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of extremely funny retirement quotes, hilarious relationship quotes and funniest animal quotes.

Famous Funny Real Estate Quotes

I am basically a full-time psychologist who shows houses every now and then. – Dori Warner

To be successful in real estate, you must always and consistently put your clients’ best interests first. When you do, your personal needs will be realized beyond your greatest expectations. – Anthony Hitt

ou know what? You can insult a lot of things about me. My hair, my voice, my balance support exercises. But, don’t insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don’t see it? That’s because I sold it. – Phil Dunphy

If you show enough houses, you learn all the tricks. Every Realtor is just a ninja in a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere, but not me. I’m completely clueless. – Phil Dunphy

A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. – Barbara Corcoran

Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t. – Anonymous

There are fashions in building. Behind the fashions lie economic and technological reasons, and these fashions exclude all but a few genuinely different possibilities in city dwelling construction at any one time. – Jane Jacobs

Judging by your pins, you’ll need a house with 14 bathrooms, 27 living rooms, and a master closet the size of a small village.

Don’t call me overpaid just because I sold your home fast. That’s exactly what you wanted.

Guess what? I’ve been in your home when you weren’t home. And yours. And yours. No, I’m not a burglar. I’m a Realtor! – Phil Dunphy

funny real estate quotes

Real estate cannot be lost or stolen, nor can it be carried away. Purchased with common sense, paid for in full, and managed with reasonable care, it is about the safest investment in the world. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

If I were a professional wrestler, I’d want a name that strikes fear in most people. Something like, ‘The Underwriter’. – Lighter Side of Real Estate

Paradise is a state of being, more than just the name of a suburb or a home. – Raquel Cepeda

A real estate agent has two property listings. Now add 11 more. What does the agent have now? Happiness. That agent has happiness. – Tim Dulany

I will forever believe that buying a home is a great investment. Why? Because you can’t live in a stock certificate. You can’t live in a mutual fund – Oprah Winfrey

Two things I bring to every open house? My lucky pen and a smile. I haven’t sold a house all month. Do you see me saying, ‘I’m done’? Never. Because there is no ‘done’ in ‘Dunphy’. – Phil Dunphy

Sleep is for people without access to the MLS – Lighter Side of Real Estate

Buyers decide in the first eight seconds of seeing a home if they’re interested in buying it. Get out of your car, walk in their shoes and see what they see within the first eight seconds. – Barbara Corcoran

Please, tell me more about how you’re an expert in real estate because you watch HGTV.

Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better. – Jim Rohn

If you’re in your 20s, 30s, or 40s and you’re entrepreneurially minded like I am, I don’t think the best strategy for you is to buy a home. – Gary Vaynerchuk

funniest real estate quotes

Land monopoly is not only monopoly, but it is by far the greatest of monopolies; it is a perpetual monopoly, and it is the mother of all other forms of monopoly. – Winston Churchill

Buying real estate is not only the best way, the quickest way, the safest way, but the only way to become wealthy. – Marshall Field

If you don’t adopt disruptive technology, you will be disrupted. – Brad Inman

No is the killer of dreams. No is the killer of great ideas. It’s the end of a conversation, – Robert Reffkin, Compass CEO

Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make. – Donald Trump

Don’t be the guy that shows up at the potluck with just a fork. – Dave Liniger

Why, yes … that’d be fantastic if your parents, grandmother, and second cousin came along while I showed you houses today. – Amy Chrisman-Williams

Today I get to talk about the love of my life. Residential real estate. – Phil Dunphy

Real estate is an imperishable asset, ever increasing in value. It is the most solid security that human ingenuity has devised. It is the basis of all security and about the only indestructible security. – Russell Sage

extremely funny real estate quotes

Landlords grow rich in their sleep. – John Stuart Mill

Buy land, they’re not making it anymore. – Mark Twain

Owning a home is a keystone of wealth, both financial affluence and emotional security – Suze Orman

You don’t have to be too bright to get into real estate. – David Lichtenstein

If you do not like real estate, all you have to do is make hamburgers, build a business around that hamburger, and franchise it. – Robert Kiyosaki

If you don’t own a home, buy one. If you own a home, buy another one. If you own two homes, buy a third. And, lend your relatives the money to buy a home. – John Paulson

Always Be Closing. Don’t Ever Forget, Great Home Ideas Just Keep Lurking, Mostly Nearby. Often People Question Realtors Sincerity. Take Umbrage, Violators Will – ah, I always forget X. – Phil Dunphy

Buildings don’t move, but neighborhoods change all the time. – Anonymous

I had probably seven agents by the time I became a legitimate real estate broker. – Barbara Corcoran

To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper. – Yakov Smirnoff

There have been few things in my life which have had a more genial effect on my mind than the possession of a piece of land. – Harriet Martineau

Real estate sales was perfect training for the experience to go into public life because you learn to accept rejection, learn to meet new people, learn to work with people, and find common ground. That’s the way you sell houses … that’s also the way you win over constituency. – Johnny Isakson

hilarious real estate quotes

If you want to get rich in real estate sell things to Realtors. – Anonymous

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of. – Bruce Lee

In real estate, you make 10% of your money because you’re a genius and 90% because you catch a great wave. – Jeff Greene

If you circle above Central Park at night in a helicopter, you’re looking down at the most expensive real estate in the world. It’s the American Monopoly board. – Ridley Scott

Find out where the people are going and buy the land before they get there. – William Penn Adair

Perhaps the secret to making a billion dollars in real estate is that there is no secret. – David Lichtenstein

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. – Winston Churchill

If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don’t want to be. – Dale Carnegie

A complainer is like a Death Eater because there’s a suction of negative energy. You can catch a great attitude from great people. – Barbara Corcoran

Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

I will tell you how to become rich. Close the doors. Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful. – Warren Buffet

Whether you’re an obstetrician or a third-grade teacher or a real estate agent, you know when you’re doing good work. You’re passionate about it. – Susan Isaacs

Art, like real estate, is half science, half gut. We go to a lot of art fairs. We have two full-time art experts who help me make all the decisions about how to build the corporate and personal collection and what we put in our developments. We don’t let interior designers pick art for us. – Jorge M. Perez

In the real estate business you learn more about people, and you learn more about community issues, you learn more about life, you learn more about the impact of government, probably than any other profession that I know of. – Johnny Isakson

Routine is the sign of an ambitious individual. – Attributed to Tom Ferry

The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now. – Chinese Proverb

It’s OK to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket. – Elon Musk

If you aim for nothing, you’ll hit it every time. – Unknown

Not only do you have to have content in your digital and inbound real estate marketing strategies, but content that gets an LOL, gets read, noticed, shared, clicked, and commented on is how you make a human connection in today’s noisy, multi-device world. – Laura Monroe

I have a theory and I really believe it. I think your worst weakness can become your greatest single strength. – Barbara Corcoran

If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes. – Andrew Carnegie

A goal properly set is halfway reached. – Zig Ziglar

In a crowded marketplace, fitting in is a failure. In a busy marketplace, not standing out is the same as being invisible. – Seth Godin

Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. – Tony Robbins

It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves. – Edmund Hillary

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. – Vince Lombardi

Funny One Liners About Real Estate

How does a dual agent sleep? Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

90% of people hate carpeting. The other 10% hate your carpeting.

All periodic table elements were hired by the real estate company because they have lots of properties!

Did you hear about the last remaining unit in the apartment building? It was last but not leased.

Why don’t real estate agents read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

Thor decided to pursue his career in real estate. He’s going to be real-thor!

A realtor’s brain is a miracle of nature. It starts working the day they’re born and stops working as soon as they need to pitch a homeowner.

Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the oceanside mansion? It was too current.

Don’t wait to buy real estate. Buy real estate and wait. – Will Rogers

My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with: “Hey bro, house it going?”

My clients put in an offer on a two-story house. One story before the offer, another story after the offer.

I’m no photographer, but I can picture you in this house.

The best investment on earth is earth. – Louis Glickman

Becoming a real estate attorney is a tough job. You will always have to deal with battles of wills!

What does a house wear? Address.

Talking to you makes me feel like a first time homebuyer: nervous but thrilled.

Why did the house go to the doctor? It had a window pane.

A sophisticated realtor constantly speaks about proper tea.