63+ Best Funny Animal Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Animals are multicellular eukaryotic organisms that form the biological kingdom Animalia. Inspirational funny animal quotes will fire up your brain and inspire you to look at life differently while making you laugh.

If you’re searching for hilarious quotes and extremely funny friendship quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of extremely funny anniversary quotes, hilarious baby quotes and funniest basketball quotes.

Famous Funny Animal Quotes

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. – Josh Billings

The heart of animals is the foundation of their life, the sovereign of everything within them, the sun of their microcosm, that upon which all growth depends, from which all power proceeds. – William Harvey

The Discovery Channel had a fascinating show on the mating habits of hyenas. They said the male hyena will often get mad at the female hyena while they’re having sex. It doesn’t help that the female hyena is laughing all the time. – Jay Leno

Fine, sure, go ahead. Weird, but I like it. – Conan O’Brien

The dogs were really keening now, like Irish widows. – Thomas Keneally

funny animal quotes

The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs. – Valeriu Butulescu

A couple of rabbits were being chased by a coyote. They stopped in a haystack, and one rabbit said to the other, “We gonna make a run for it, or stay here and outnumber them?” – Red Skelton

Dolphins are really smart. Within a couple of weeks of captivity they can train people to stand by a pool and give them fish. – Unknown

Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend. – Corey Ford

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. – Terry Pratchett

The fate of animals is of far greater importance to me than the fear of appearing ridiculous. – Emile Zola

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. – Sue Murphy

God in his wisdom made the fly

And then forgot to tell us why. – Ogden Nash

Saw a chameleon today so I’m assuming it wasn’t a very good one. – Unknown

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. – Jerry Seinfeld

Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant. – John Peer

Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal. – Sir Winston Churchill

Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine. – Bill Vaughan

I found a snake in my yard. I got a shovel and whacked the hell out of it.

I didn’t have cable for a week. – Charlie Viracola

Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell. – Emily Dickinson

The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much. – Thornton Wilder

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. – Abraham Lincoln

There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. – Winston Churchill

If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code? – Guy Endore-Kaiser

I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread. – Mitch Hedberg

Giant pandas eat constantly, poop 40 times a day and don’t have a lot of sex…I’ve never felt such a connection to an animal. – Renee Hooray

Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That’s the problem. – A. A. Milne

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. – Franklin P. Jones

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. – Ben Williams

Never break a promise to an animal. They’re like babies they won’t understand. – Tamora Pierce

What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?

Whee! – Will Durst

We’ve all done this, because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?” – Garry Shandling

In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food. – Billy Crystal

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. – Phil Pastoret

We all know interspecies romance is weird. – Tim Burton

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later. – Mary Bly

From the dog’s point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog. – Mabel Louise Robinson

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. – Hazel Nicholson

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? – George Carlin

I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around. – John Lyon

If I’m ever being chased by a giraffe I’m gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what’s best for me. – AmberTozer

When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day. – Guy Endore Kaiser

My favorite animal is steak. – Fran Lebowitz

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree. – Steven Alexander Wright

Animals are such agreeable friends — they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms. – George Eliot

God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. – Jacques Deval

I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat. – Marty Pollio

If owl parties aren’t called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again. – Reverend Badger

What did the doe say when she came out of the woods?

Boy, I’ll never do that again for two bucks. – Unknown

Dolphins are just Sharks who watch Glee. – Ashish Chauhan

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk. – Ogden Nash

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. – Rita Rudner

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because you lap is warmer. – Alfred North Whitehead

My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse. – Kelkulus

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him. – Jeff Foxworthy

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help. – Alex Haley

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. – Mark Twain

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. – Fran Lebowitz

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. – Groucho Marx

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