73+ Best Funny Celebrity Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Celebrity is a reference to the fame and wide public recognition of an individual or a group, or, occasionally, a particular animal, as a direct result of the attention given to them by the mass media. Inspirational funny celebrity quotes will fire up your brain and inspire you to look at life differently while making you laugh.

If you’re searching for funny sayings and funniest friendship quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of extremely funny coffee quotes, hilarious dad quotes and funniest romantic quotes.

Famous Funny Celebrity Quotes

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. – Helen Hayes

Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. – Carl Sandburg

We’re more popular than Jesus now. – John Lennon

It’s gross and racist. It’s like saying, ‘Oh, you shifty Jew!’ Your argument is, ‘You know, black people, they shoot each other.’ – Ben Affleck

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice. – Conan O’Brien

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like. – Will Smith

If you’re gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty. – Marilyn Monroe

funny celebrity quotes

Slapping the dog s- out of a ‘disrespectful’ woman might save her life. – Glasses Malone

If Newborn Babies Could Speak They Would Be The Most Intelligent Beings On Planet Earth. – Jaden Smith

I love giving the golden shower. I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s, like, so sexy. – Ricky martin

To write a diary every day is like returning to one’s own vomit. – Enoch Powell

I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon. – Ellen DeGeneres

Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one. – Benjamin Franklin

I still love her. But she’s retarded, too. – Guy Ritchie

The photos are so… I feel like I’m looking at someone being raped. A lot of the time I can’t handle it. It’s f**ked. I never expected that this would be my life. – Kristen Stewart

The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. – Mel Gibson

The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him. – Oscar Wilde

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. – Lou Erickso

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. – Lucille Ball

I dealt with Gaddafi. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn’t let him use the land. That’s what we should be doing. I don’t want to use the word ‘screwed,’ but I screwed him. That’s what we should be doing. – Donald Trump

I’m shooting a commercial for safe sex. How ironic. Because I don’t have that. – Tila Tequila

I think MTV should consider using subtitles. Half the time, even I can’t understand what the f*ck I’m talking about. – Ozzy Osbourne

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. – Woody Allen

God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. – Tara Reid

Don’t waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window. Or break down a door. – Brooke Shields

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea.’ – Jessica Simpson

I hate America – Ariana Grande

I’m not sure about the parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad. – Justin bieber

They misunderestimated me – George W. Bush

In every circle of friends there’s always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don’t have one? Then it’s probably you. – Will Ferrell

A word to the wise ain’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need the advice. – Bill Cosby

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything! – Coco Chanel

As hard as I’ve tried, I don’t know how not to be adorable. – Justin Bieber

Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let’s get that straight. OK? We don’t do crack. We don’t do that. Crack is whack. – Whitney Houston

I won’t go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I’ve ever felt to home. – Kanye West

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are. – Will Ferrell

I like women, I don’t understand them, but I like them. – Sean Connery

You are the CEO of your life. Some people need to be hired and some need to be fired. – Robert Downey Jr.

Keep seeing the glass half-full and it will dawn upon you that it’s probably your turn to buy. – Bill Murray

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten. – George Carlin

I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. – Arnold Schwarzenegger

I thought Europe was a country? – Kelly Pickler

I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God…. God knows the truth in all of [the Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors], and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know? – Heidi Montag

Never follow someone else’s path; unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, then by all means, you should follow that. – Ellen DeGeneres

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas A. Edison

Too much money ain’t enough money. – Lil Wayne

You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ’cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know? – Brooke Hogan

Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She’s an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds. – Shia LaBeouf

I wish I was aloud to use the n word sometimes – Skrillex

You don’t have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to. – Louis C.K.

The secret to a happy marriage? Do whatever your wife tells you. Yes, dear. And breathe. – Denzel Washingto

The crime of loving is forgetting. – Maurice Chevalier

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. – Ellen DeGeneres

Money doesn’t make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million. – Arnold Schwarzenegger

Not only is life a b*tch, it has puppies. – Adrienne Gusoff

The trouble with children is that they’re not returnable. – Quentin Crisp

Wal-mart… do they like make walls there? – Paris Hilton

I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet. – David Beckham

If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I’d turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray. – Kid Rock

Titanic 100 years wOw. Global warming couldve saved the Titanic. Sad to say – Jose Conseco

I wish I could trade my heart for another liver, so I could drink more and care less. – Tina Fey

It’s not enough to succeed. Others must fail. – Gore Vidal

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow. – Jack Black

I am the number one human being in music. That means any person that’s living or breathing is number two. – Kanye West

Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something. – Dennis Rodman

Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

The most beautiful makeup for a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. – Yves St. Laurent.

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. – Cher

Starbucks on 93 and B’Way. Uptight Queen barrista named Jay has an attitude problem. – Alec Baldwin

Pandora.. Whoever you are!! Thank You!! I get tweets about you playing my music all the time!! – Tyrese Gibson

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you. – B.L. Taylor

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you’ll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. – Ann Landers

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. – Sacha Guitry

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