Author: Simone Lisa

My midlife crisis revealed depression and anxiety and escalated my lifelong eating disorder. I’m finding my way through the quagmire of major life changes and sharing my story with those who are interested! You can follow my journey at www.simonelisa.com
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I hate where I’m at in life right now. I want to go back. Or forward. Anywhere but here. It is a wish guaranteed to come true, because the present moment only lasts a moment, and just yesterday I was holding my now 23 year old son as a newborn in my arms. So I guess yonder…




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I had a really lovely day today. For the most part, I made good decisions around food. And yet for no apparent reason, this evening I feel incredibly melancholy and moody. I’m overcome with a range of emotions I can’t even describe. To be honest, I just want to cry. Why? I have absolutely no idea.…




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Perfectionistic thinking. It can be a bit of a curse. Apparently it can also be a really great personality trait – but I suspect one would have to utilise it in a slightly healthier way. When you’re a perfectionist, the world is black and white. I’m right or wrong, it’s easy or hard, I’m good at…




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May 21

Illusions

I’m fluffy today. And floppy. I had lots of drugs… I have pain. I feel like I have chronic pain, but compared to people who actually have chronic pain, I don’t. I do however, have some back issues (facet joint hypertrophy between L3-4 and L4-5), tendinopathy in my left hamstring, and a rotation and shift in…




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May 20

Eat Me!

The food in my fridge sings to me. And I mean it really sings. I suspect this is another one of those situations only people with an eating disorder genuinely understand. I’ve talked about The Voices before. Maybe you think I’m completely mad. Or schizophrenic. I’m neither of those things. I just have an eating disorder. All day…




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I’m trying to picture a life free from disordered eating. What would it look like? How would I feel? What would be different? The voice of doubt always wants to knock me down, but I’m working hard to vanquish that voice, and bring forth positive messages to empower recovery. In this picture, my external life would…




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See that picture? That’s my toes. Pointing at a blank spot. A blank spot where my scales have sat since we renovated the bathroom about 12 years ago. (Before that they sat somewhere else…) For as long as I can remember, I have weighed myself first thing every morning – day in day out. Like…




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When I was a child I was repressed. Not in an awful way – we weren’t beaten or abused or mistreated in any capacity. But when emotions can’t be expressed, they are repressed. [It wasn’t done intentionally of course – it is just an unfortunate hangover from previous generations.] A week or so back I had…




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Today was a non-linear recovery day. You know – the old cha cha cha – a few steps forward, a few steps back. Recovery is a non-linear process. But that’s okay – I keep telling myself… I made some really excellent decisions today and made some really excellent progress. Then I made some really crap decisions and slipped…




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Today I ate Easter eggs. I didn’t enjoy them. And it isn’t Easter. There are bags and bags of leftover solid little eggs at work, and apparently we can help ourselves. I’m not sure my colleagues realise what that actually means to somebody with an eating disorder. The only thing stopping me eating the thousand or…