Author: Simone Lisa

My midlife crisis revealed depression and anxiety and escalated my lifelong eating disorder. I’m finding my way through the quagmire of major life changes and sharing my story with those who are interested!

You can follow my journey at www.simonelisa.com

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Jul 23

Fine

It feels so cliché to even write about this… I’m fine. How often do we say it? How often does someone ask, “How are you?” Barely a day goes past without these social niceties. The attendant at the service station, the telemarketer on the telephone, colleagues at work, friends on Facebook, my kids, husband, father.…

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I am writing my story. Not here – not right now. But on my own and in my own time. It is the project I choose to do in association with the Author Awakening Adventure. As part of the coursework, we choose an angel to watch and guide us as we travel the long, lonely…

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My recovery is not going at the speed some people would like. I’m too slow. Not making enough progress. I’m not doing enough work or making changes quickly enough. Apparently. It is absolutely true that many people who commence recovery – from anything – progress at a faster rate. They make changes and those changes…

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When I’m not going forward in recovery, I’m perfectly happy to accept sideways. Because moving sideways is not going backwards. I have recently spent the most glorious three days in a lovely little holiday house – big hikes through the bush, lots of champagne and chocolate, late nights lying in front of a roaring fire…

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I am into the second week of my Author Awakening Adventure – and I finally have the time and headspace to start putting some thought into it, and doing the exercises in the modules. I have just completed module one – all very thought provoking. And I utterly surprised myself by discovering I prefer to…

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Well ladies and gentlemen – and those who do not confidently or comfortably fit into traditional categories – my thanks and gratitude for your ongoing patience with my intermittent pity parties. They’re boring and dull to read I have no doubt. But from my end of the equation, they are magically cathartic. The past few…

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Jul 4

Choose

To eat or not to eat. That is the question. Choose. To write or not to write. Choose. Work. Sleep. Play. Choose. Delivered unscathed from the maternal womb. Breathe. Choose. Tentatively totter on tiny tubby legs. Choose. Fall over. Start over. Do over. Choose. Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner. Choose. Failure. Success. Happiness. Sadness. Living and loving a meaningful life.…

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So I’ve gone backwards. Slipping and sliding and rolling around. Bingeing and purging every day again. Feeling shit and stupid. I know it’s my responsibility – my choice. I can turn this back around any time I want to. Why don’t I want to? Everything we do in life, we do because it’s the thing…

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I feel like I’m barely holding on at the moment. Clinging on with my fingernails to whatever I can. I am exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Nothing left to give. And yet ironically, not sleeping. Isn’t that always the way? I swear if I could get some sleep, I’d have a slightly firmer grip on reality.…

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Jun 29

The Cloak

There’s a cloak wrapped tight around me. A cloak of grief. A cloak of fear. A cloak of wanton weariness.   Keeping me dry, From tears that threaten to rain. Softening painful memories, That strike like buffeting winds.   My mother. My sister. My grandmother. My familial trinity gone.   Reunited and cleansed of mortal imperfection.…