funny love quotes for him from the heart

134+ CLEVER Funny Love Quotes That Make You Laugh

Love is great, but it also can be hilarious as well. And, humor in relationships is pretty important. Funny love quotes make you laugh, see from different aspects and bring you closer to each other.

If you’re searching for love words to share with the people you love or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of romantic falling in love sayings, heartwarming long distance relationship quotes and i love you more than you know.

Best Funny Love Quotes

My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan. Leopold Fetchner tweet

Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. Carroll Bryant tweet

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What… does a woman want?’ Freud tweet

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner tweet

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor tweet

Love is being stupid together. Paul Valery tweet

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. David Sedaris tweet

Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance. tweet

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller tweet

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? Jean Illsley Clarke tweet

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck tweet

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie tweet

Love is sharing your popcorn. Charles Schultz tweet

True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. Francois de la Rochefoucauld tweet

Romance is the icing, but love is the cake. tweet

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. Pauline Thomason tweet

Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. Helen Gurley Brown tweet

I had a dream that I still loved you…I think I woke up screaming. Christine tweet

I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. Chico Marx tweet

Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills. Jessica Martin tweet

It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. Lucille Ball tweet

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx tweet

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. Les Dawson tweet

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt. Spanish Proverb tweet

People should fall in love with their eyes closed. Andy Warhol tweet

He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. Ring Lardner tweet

If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back. Chelsea Peretti tweet

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. Jean Kerr tweet

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. Steven Wright tweet

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. Fran Lebowitz tweet

If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards. J.A. Redmerski tweet

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t. tweet

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford tweet

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. Phyllis Schlafly tweet

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein tweet

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. Thomas Dewar tweet

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. Cindy Garner tweet

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. George Burns tweet

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. Elizabeth Evans tweet

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles M. Schulz tweet

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. Fulton J. Sheen tweet

If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. Miles Davis tweet

My last love is just like that thong peter griffin borrowed from me… Never getting it back. Refinnej Sin tweet

You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. Hussein Nishah tweet

My wife and I were happy for 20 years then we met. Rodney Dangerfield tweet

Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. Jewish Proverb tweet

We’re like Romeo & Juliet… Except for the dying part of course. Justina tweet

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. Jules Renard tweet

Funny Love Quotes That You Can Relate To

  • Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. Judith Viorst
  • Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. Cathy Carlyle
  • The more she turned right the more I turned wrong. Mark W. Boyer
  • I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette
  • Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed. Albert Einstein
  • Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. George Carlin
  • Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms. J. P. Senn
  • True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. Erich Segal
  • When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life. Richard Lewis
  • If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. Katherine Mansfield
  • Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements. Kathy Mohnke
  • Love doesn’t make the world go around. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. Franklin P. Jones
  • In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit or getting parked in the wrong place. Rowland
  • Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. Bill Maher
  • Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. Richard Jeni
  • My wife gets all the money I make. I just get apple and clean clothes every morning. Ray Romano
  • I love you and it’s getting worse. Joseph E. Morris
  • In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
  • Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. Professor Irwin Corey
  • A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. Tim Allen
  • What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday. Cindy Garner
  • Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. Lemony Snicket
  • Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do. Bettina Arndt
  • Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce
  • Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner. Jerry Seinfeld
  • As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right, or you can be happy. Ralphie May
  • Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. Will Ferrell
  • I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. Russell Brand
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henry Youngman
  • Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. Natasha Leggero
  • My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. Garry Shandling
  • If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin
  • Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. Chelsea Handler
  • My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. Jimmy Durante
  • Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Woody Allen
  • If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something. Fran Lebowitz
  • Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. Richard Pryor
  • There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock
  • My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. Rodney Dangerfield
  • I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. Johnny Carson
  • The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing. Blaise Pascal
  • I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. Jack Benny
  • Women love a self-confident bald man. Larry David
  • Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. Billy Crystal
  • In any perfect relationship men should remember it’s a matter of direction; she takes what’s right and you take what’s left. Solitaire Parke
  • Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions. Tommy Dewar
  • Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore. Bree Luckey
  • When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. Mark Twain
  • Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.
  • Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. H. L. Mencken
  • People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. Bob Hope
  • The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love. Sophie Monroe
  • Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. Oscar Wilde
  • When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad. Helen Rowland
  • Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing. Helen Rowland
  • You know how people say, ‘you can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important. Dr. Gregory Houser
  • Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
  • The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. Coleridge
  • Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
  • Marriage: a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose. Beverly Nichols
  • Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp. Bob Ettinger
  • By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates
  • Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlist. James Garner
  • A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did. Edgar Watson Howe
  • An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
  • I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since. Arturo Toscanini
  • Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it. Helen Rowland
  • To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god or an ordinary young woman for a goddess. H. L. Mencken
  • Every marriage tends to consist of an aristocrat and a peasant. John Updike
  • Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry out the trash. Joyce Brothers
  • In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced. Helen Rowland
  • For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. Bill Cosby
  • Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debating. Ray Bandy

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