If you’re searching for love words to share with the people you love or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of romantic falling in love sayings, heartwarming long distance relationship quotes and i love you more than you know.
I hope you enjoy these hilarious love quotes and jokes about falling in love, being in love and marriage to describe your crazy relationship.
Best Funny Love Quotes
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. Will Ferrell
Love is sharing your popcorn. Charles Schultz
Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.
One cricket said to another – come, let us be ridiculous, and say, love! Conrad Aiken
If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. Miles Davis
Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. George Burns
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. Fran Lebowitz
The advantage of being eighty years old is that one has many people to love. Jean Renoir
Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.
I promise to love you, respect you, support you, and above all else, make sure I’m not just yelling at you because I’m hungry.
I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. Russell Brand
I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
The bravest thing that men do is love women. Mort Sahl
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. Natasha Leggero
I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, ‘And another thing …’ Felicia Michaels
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.
I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin
You want to know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.
Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner. Jerry Seinfeld
I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Especially when I am all alone with you!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. Jackie Mason
According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets. unkown
You can’t shine like a diamond if you are not willing to get cut like a diamond! Eric Thomas
Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.
Short Funny Love Quotes for Him and Her From The Heart
My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan. Leopold Fetchner
Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. Carroll Bryant
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What… does a woman want?’ Freud
I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu. But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.
I can’t eat in the morning cause I think of you. I can’t eat in the afternoon cause I think of you. I can’t sleep at night cause I’m hungry.
I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let’s do it, let’s fall in love.
I want you to know something, but I don’t know how to tell it. So I’ll let the first three words of this explain it.
If I loved you any more, my heart would swell and turn into a circle.
A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor
Love is being stupid together. Paul Valery
Our love is stronger than waterproof mascara.
Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. David Sedaris
Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.
Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? Jean Illsley Clarke
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. Francois de la Rochefoucauld
Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. Pauline Thomason
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils. Louis Hector Berlioz
Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. Franklin P. Jones
Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. Helen Gurley Brown
I had a dream that I still loved you…I think I woke up screaming. Christine
I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. Chico Marx
Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills. Jessica Martin
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along!
It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. Lucille Ball
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. Les Dawson
A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt. Spanish Proverb
People should fall in love with their eyes closed. Andy Warhol
He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. Ring Lardner
If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back. Chelsea Peretti
Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. Jean Kerr
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. Steven Wright
If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards. J.A. Redmerski
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford
Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. Phyllis Schlafly
I promise to always be by your side. Or under you. Or on top. Joe King
Funny Couple Quotes
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. Thomas Dewar
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. Cindy Garner
I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. Elizabeth Evans
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles M. Schulz
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. Fulton J. Sheen
My last love is just like that thong peter griffin borrowed from me… Never getting it back. Refinnej Sin
You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. Hussein Nishah
Besides chocolate, you’re my favorite.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. Jewish Proverb
My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor. Elayne Boosler
We’re like Romeo & Juliet… Except for the dying part of course. Justina
Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. Jules Renard
The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want? Freud
Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. Carroll Bryant
Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. Megan Mullally
If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say “Now you’re super mad!”. If they laugh, marry them.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner
I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.
You’re the cheese to my macaroni.
Cute Funny Love Quotes That You Can Relate To
Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. Judith Viorst
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. Cathy Carlyle
The more she turned right the more I turned wrong. Mark W. Boyer
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonette
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So, each is inevitably disappointed. Albert Einstein
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. George Carlin
Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms. J. P. Senn
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. Erich Segal
When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life. Richard Lewis
If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. Katherine Mansfield
Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements. Kathy Mohnke
Love doesn’t make the world go around. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. Franklin P. Jones
In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit or getting parked in the wrong place. Rowland
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. Bill Maher
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. Richard Jeni
My wife gets all the money I make. I just get apple and clean clothes every morning. Ray Romano
I love you and it’s getting worse. Joseph E. Morris
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. Professor Irwin Corey
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. Tim Allen
What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday. Cindy Garner
Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. Lemony Snicket
Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do. Bettina Arndt
Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage. Ambrose Bierce
As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right, or you can be happy. Ralphie May
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henry Youngman
My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. Garry Shandling
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. Chelsea Handler
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. Jimmy Durante
Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Woody Allen
If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something. Fran Lebowitz
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. Richard Pryor
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. Rodney Dangerfield
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. Johnny Carson
The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing. Blaise Pascal
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. Jack Benny
Women love a self-confident bald man. Larry David
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. Billy Crystal
In any perfect relationship men should remember it’s a matter of direction; she takes what’s right and you take what’s left. Solitaire Parke
Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions. Tommy Dewar
Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore. Bree Luckey
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. Mark Twain
Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. H. L. Mencken
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. Bob Hope
The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love. Sophie Monroe
Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. Oscar Wilde
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad. Helen Rowland
Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing. Helen Rowland
You know how people say, ‘you can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important. Dr. Gregory Houser
Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. Coleridge
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
Marriage: a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose. Beverly Nichols
Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp. Bob Ettinger
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates
Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlist. James Garner
A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did. Edgar Watson Howe
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since. Arturo Toscanini
Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it. Helen Rowland
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god or an ordinary young woman for a goddess. H. L. Mencken
Every marriage tends to consist of an aristocrat and a peasant. John Updike
Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry out the trash. Joyce Brothers
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced. Helen Rowland
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. Bill Cosby
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debating. Ray Bandy
Love makes people do silly things. Like, it made me send you this message!
Funny Couple Quotes for Instagram
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You told me that you love me, so now I’m scared.
You make me happy like a full refrigerator.
We clean up pretty nice.
I knew I had to make you mine when you laughed at my jokes.
Keep calm and give me a kiss.
Might as well face it, we’re addicted to love.
Orange you glad you met me.
I think I’m nuts for you. Either that or I’m just plain nuts.
We go together like hot sauce and everything.
I love you a latte.
You’ve stolen a pizza of my heart.
I love your eyes, your smile, and the way that you never remember to put the cap back on the tube of toothpaste.
We take the perfect picture because you light up the room.
I love your eyes, your smile, and how good of a dog parent you are.
Birds of the same feather, flock together.
I love you, even when I’m hungry.
You’re my favorite flavor.
Like peanut butter and jelly.
A relationship is when one person is always right and the other person is the boyfriend.
We go along like salt and pepper.
We stick together like super glue.
We make each other laugh even when we don’t want to smile.
My heart always goes boom whenever you’re in the room.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Forget the butterflies! Whenever I’m with you, I feel the whole zoo.
Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.
In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.
You’re basically the cutest thing I have ever loved, after my kitten.
You’re the obi wan for me.
Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!
Let’s be weird and wonderful together.
I love you even when I’m really, really hungry.
Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think… He is one lucky man.
Funny Love Facts:
- Do you know these funny facts about love?
If your heart is happy, then it’s healthy
When you hug your partner, your stress level instantly relieves
Couples’ heartbeats synchronize
- Is love an emotion or feeling?
It feels like an emotion but it’s incredibly a strong one.
- Which is stronger hate or love?
Self love is strongest. Although hate is more current. If love is present it can win, if not, sadly hate is always wins.