40 Best Red Forman Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Reginald Albert “Red” Forman is the iconic character on the Fox sitcom That ’70s Show, portrayed by Kurtwood Smith. He is known for his strict, no-nonsense parenting style and his frequent use of colorful language, especially when addressing his son, Eric, and his friends. Profoundly inspirational Red Forman quotes will encourage you to think a little deeper than you usually would and broaden your perspective.

Red Forman’s quotes are popular because:

  • They are humorous and often blunt, reflecting his straightforward and gruff personality.
  • They capture the essence of his character as a strict but caring father.
  • They often include memorable insults and witty remarks.
  • They are relatable to many viewers who appreciate tough-love parenting and humor.

Famous Red Forman Quotes

“How about I drive my foot into this thing called your *ss?”

“If the US government decides to stick a tracking device up your *ss, you say, ‘Thank you! And God Bless America!'”

“Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.”

“You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot’s looking for a room!”

“What’s wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head as a baby?”

“The last time I was that close to a Japanese machine, it was shooting at me!”

“When my time comes, I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn’t like me can kiss my *ss.”

“Son, you don’t have bad luck. The reason that bad things happen to you is because you’re a dumbass.”

“You’re about to read a book that my foot wrote. It’s called On the Road to In Your *ss.”

“Eric, if you don’t want to wear your *ss for a hat, you’ll get your butt out there and find a job!”

“I’m just saying, I’m not cut out to be Santa Claus. I have a hard enough time being myself.”

“I’m not a man to be swayed by feelings, but that was a damn good beer.”

“Formans have always been tough. If my dad caught me crying, he’d make me play baseball with no cup.”

“It’s a car, Eric, not a damn spaceship!”

“My foot is about to drill a hole in your *ss.”

“This is a job for Red Forman. I guess it’s time for the circle to meet the square.”

“Why is it every time I try to have a good time, you guys make me feel like I’m at work?”

“I can’t believe I live in a world where Eric Forman is considered cool.”

“I wish I had 2,000 feet, so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!”

“The only thing keeping me from breaking you in half is that you’re already so pathetic.”

“Did you take a stupid pill this morning?”

“When my time comes, I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn’t like me can kiss my *ss.”

“Too bad stupidity isn’t painful.”

“You know what’s more fun than a tiny, empty box? A lot of things!”

“I swear, if you kids don’t give me some peace and quiet, I’m gonna pull out my hair.”

“We’re all gonna sit around, and we’re gonna be happy for the time we have left before I start killing people.”

“You’re only here because I was a dumbass and forgot to pull out.”

“I don’t like your tone, dumbass.”

“You’re dumb as dirt, dumbass.”

“I’ll be the only senior citizen in this nursing home with a black belt in karate!”

“Kitty, how many times have I told you not to feed the boy’s dreams? It just makes him peppy.”

“Well, isn’t that just ducky?”

“I didn’t spend 20 years in the navy to come home and be disrespected by my own son.”

“I’ve had enough of your ‘whiny, I-can’t-find-a-job, woe-is-me’ attitude!”

“What in the hell are you doing?”

“The only thing you’re going to be when you grow up is a burden to society.”

“If you’re a man at night, you gotta be a man in the morning.”

“If I had a dollar for every brain you don’t have, I’d have one dollar.”