Reginald Albert “Red” Forman is a fictional character on the Fox sitcom That ’70s Show, portrayed by Kurtwood Smith. Profoundly inspirational Red Forman quotes will encourage you to think a little deeper than you usually would and broaden your perspective.
Famous Red Forman Quotes
Son, you don’t have bad luck. The reason that bad things happen to you … is because you’re a dumbass. Now fix it. – Red Forman
Steven, I’ve come to think of you as a son. So I want to give you some honest, heart-felt advice. Get your head out of your *ss. – Red Forman
Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other. – Red Forman
Dumbass – Red Forman
Ooh! Eric’s in a fight! No one’s here! No one’s gonna believe me! Why didn’t I bring my camera? – Red Forman
Oh, would you stop! Luke Skywalker this, Luke Skywalker that, I’m sick and tired of hearing about that little fruit! – Red Forman
You know all that rent money you’ve been giving us? I’ve been putting it all in a bank account for your college fees… or bail. – Red Forman
I love that woman with a FIERY PASSION…that consumes my soul! – Red Forman
Good night, sleep tight, and don’t let the bedbugs put their foot in your *ss. – Red Forman
I’m gonna kill you and mount your head on the T.V.! And if it helps me get better reception, it will do more for me than you have ever done in your life! – Red Forman
When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. But if you mix them, they can turn you into a dumbass. – Red Forman
His head looks like a poodle’s *ss. – Red Forman
Kitty: Here you go Red, Belgian waffles. Eric: What’s so Belgian about them? Red: They crumbled at the hands of the Nazis. – Red Forman
You’re a dumbass. Now fix it. – Red Forman
Bob’s just kinda goofy, like a cartoon. It’s kinda like living next to Elmer Fudd. – Red Forman
Damn kids today. They wouldn’t know responsibility if it walked up and bit them in the *ss. – Red Forman
Eric, didn’t I tell you to wash up for dinner? I know, it’s difficult to hear with your head up your *ss. – Red Forman
That’s your own brain comprehending its own stupidity. – Red Forman
Red: Are you on dope? Are you? Kitty: Because, because, we can help get you clean. There’s counseling, hospitalization— Red: My foot kicking your *ss. – Red Forman
Women are never done with it, son. Anything wrong you do, they sit on it for 25 years, like an egg. And then it hatches – on Superbowl Sunday. – Red Forman
So you’re too proud to take her back? And what do you have to be so proud of? You’re not an athlete, the only smart thing about you is your mouth… and just look at you! – Red Forman
If the US government decides to stick a tracking device up your *ss, you say, ‘Thank You. And God Bless America.’ – Red Forman
Damn kids today. They wouldn’t know responsibility if it walked up and bit them in the *ss. – Red Forman
I just wanna say…when my time comes, I want to be buried face down, so that anyone who doesn’t like me can kiss my *ss! – Red Forman
Funny Red Forman Quotes and Jokes
I am not loving anyone, I am not legally required too. – Red Forman
Eric: Hey…leggo my Eggo. Red: Hey…leggo my foot up your *ss! – Red Forman
Ah good, all the half-wits are here. – Red Forman
Once again, an open bar spells disaster for the Foreman family. – Red Forman
The last time I was that close to a Japanese machine, it was shooting at me. – Red Forman
Michael Kelso scored higher than you on the test? This is the kid I saw super-glue his hand to his face. – Red Forman
Eric: Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall… Red: Eric, for God’s sakes, that’s no language for a woman to hear! – Red Forman
Kitty: Red, Do you think I am smart? Red: Oh, this is what we’re gonna do today,we’re gonna fight? – Red Forman
Eric: Hey, Dad. Can I talk to you for a sec? Do you think that Hyde can stay for dinner? Red: Eric, again? I can’t afford to feed your friend. I can’t even afford to feed you, but the law requires me to!
Eric: Uh, well, I believe that everyone’s political opinion is valid and worth hearing. Red: Well, that’s, that’s perfect Eric. Use that line when you’re up for Miss America.
You are about to read a book my foot wrote.. It’s called on the road to in your ass.. – Red Forman
Responsible people don’t go around getting their nipples twisted. – Red Forman
Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you – Red Forman
When I die, I want to be buried face down, so that way, whoever doesn’t like me can kiss my ass! – Red Forman
I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your *sses. – Red Forman
That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity. – Red Forman
We’re all gonna go to church and we’re gonna have a damn nice Sunday. – Red Forman
You morons just hung a vacancy sign on your *sses and my foot’s looking for a room! – Red Forman
Well, that’s, that’s perfect Eric. Use that line when you’re up for Miss America. – Red Forman
Responsible people don’t go around getting their nipples twisted. – Red Forman
Eric: I’m… sleepwalking? Red: And I’m about to be sleepkicking your *ss. – Red Forman
Red Forman : Oh and uh, here’s a 20.
Laurie Forman : Will that cover for gas?
Kitty Forman : Oh well, honey, give her another 10 just in case.
Eric : You know, I could use some gas money.
Red Forman : [laughs] Yeah… and if a frog had wings, it wouldn’t bump it’s ass when it hops.
