107+ BEST Parks and Recreation Quotes to Made You Laugh

We’re constantly both inspired and amused by NBC’s hit comedy Parks and Recreation. This sitcom is full of energy and ideas. Hilarious Parks and Recreation quotes will make you both laugh and think about life, friendship, love, and breakfast.

If you’re searching for beautiful famous life quotes to share with the people you love or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of hamilton musical quotes, funniest dwight schrute quotes and hilarious michael scott quotes.

Top Parks and Recreation Quotes

There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk. – Ron Swanson

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems. – Andy Dwyer

Leslie, I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot, and I broke everything. – Andy Dwyer

Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go! – April Ludgate

parks and rec quotes about pizza

I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures. – Ron Swanson

We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third. – Leslie Knope

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars. – Ron Swanson

I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 pieces, I throw up. – Andy Dwyer

funny parks and rec quotes

I wonder who else was born in Eagleton. Voldemort probably. – Leslie Knope

Child labor laws are ruining this country. – Ron Swanson

Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at the moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That’s impossible. – Andy Dwyer

I’m not interested in caring about people. – Ron Swanson

best parks and rec quotes

You know my code. Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before Brovaries. – Leslie Knope

I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well. – Andy Dwyer

There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. – Ron Swanson

There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. – Ron Swanson

parks and rec quotes about regret

If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal ‘usted.’ – April Ludgate

On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex- wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time. – Ron Swanson

I know what I’m about, son. – Ron Swanson

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done. – Ron Swanson

humor parks and rec quotes

If I had a stripper name, it would have to be Equality. – Leslie Knope

It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. – Ron Swanson

There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast foods. – Ron Swanson

The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy. – Ron Swanson

parks and rec quotes from ron

What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me. – Leslie Knope

Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone. – Ron Swanson

Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless. – Ron Swanson

I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you. – April Ludgate

clever parks and rec quotes

I am not ashamed to say I am often inspired by myself. – Leslie Knope

Treat yo’ self. – Donna Meagle

My first ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My second ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My Mom’s name is Tamara…she goes by Tammy. – Ron Swanson

I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it’s gonna bug me if I don’t. – Ben Wyatt

parks and rec quotes about life

I’m gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it. – Tom Haverford

How do I explain her? She’s as respected as Mother Teresa, she’s as powerful as Stalin, and she’s as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher. – Leslie Knope

When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is. – Andy Dwyer

I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food. – Ron Swanson

parks and rec quotes by april ludgate

When life gives you lemons, you sell some of your grandma’s jewelry and you go clubbin’. – Jean Ralphio Saperstein

So, you talked to Tammy? What’s it like to stare into the eye of Satan’s butthole? – Ron Swanson

I really am amazing. – Tom Haverford

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life. – Andy Dwyer

best parks and rec quotes from ron swanson

You are awesome and everyone else sucks. – April Ludgate

Gotham needs me. – Ben Wyatt

No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here’s April and Andy’s: A hammer, a half- eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans. – Ron Swanson

So, you’ve gone insane. That’s fun. – April Ludgate

parks and rec quotes

My only official recommendations are US Army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two-inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade. – Amy Poehler

There’s like a 30% chance they’ll both die. – Ben Wyatt

Dress code: Black tie optional. Just like life. – Tom Haverford

Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. – Ron Swanson

parks and rec quotes about friendship

I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things. – April Ludgate

It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it. – Ron Swanson

When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? Because I bet on all the horses. – Tom Haverford

I am very powerful and feared by many. – April Ludgate

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If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair. – Chris Traeger

Oh no, no, no. I’m not lonely, I have me! – Chris Traeger

I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe that luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures. – Ron Swanson

If I had to have anybody tell me that I have cancer, I would want it to be me. – Chris Traeger

amazing parks and rec quotes

The only things I like are dogs, sleeping late, and weird birthmarks. – April Ludgate

Jogging is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost? – Ann Perkins

I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless, and nothing matters, and I’m always tired. – Andy Dwyer

I’m super chill all the time. – Leslie Knope

parks and rec quotes about breakfast

This is so awesome. We are like Robin Hood. We steal from the club and give to ourselves. – Andy Dwyer

We should talk soon. I almost bought a toe ring the other day. – Ann Perkins

Ann, you beautiful, sassy mannequin come to life. – Leslie Knope

I think it’s pointless for humans to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it. – Ron Swanson

Amazing Quotes From Parks And Recreation

  • My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese. – Ron Swanson
  • My brain is on fire. I’m dying. – Chris Traeger
  • It’s really hard to say congrats without sounding sarcastic. – Ann Perkins
  • When Andy and I used to go the movies, he would always try to guess the ending of the movie. And he would always guess that the main character had been dead the whole time. Even when we saw Ratatouille. – Ann Perkins
  • There is no quiet anymore, there is only Doc McStuffins. – Ron Swanson
  • My anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours. – Chris Traeger
  • I’m like an elephant, OK? If I walk into a room it’s like, OK, he’s in there. – Tom Haverford
  • Well, I salsa your face. – Ann Perkins
  • I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes. – Ron Swanson
  • I think that comic sans always screams fun, right? – Jerry Gergich
  • History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake. – Ron Swanson
  • When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. – Ron Swanson
  • Can’t make a good soup, can’t do a handstand in a pool. Can’t spell the word lieutenant. There are a lot of cant’s in my life right now. – Leslie Knope
  • Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #Unbreakable. – Tom Haverford
  • Fleetwood Mac Sex Pants. New band name. I call it. Ooh, you know what? Maybe just Fleetwood Mac. – Andy Dwyer
  • Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being. – Chris Traeger
  • If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults. – Ron Swanson
  • Yes, I’m a hunter… And, it’s You season. – Donna Meagle
  • I was sobbing at a pizza buffet, and they asked me to leave. – Ann Perkins
  • I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them. – Chris Traeger
  • Stay away from wine. Wine is crying juice. – Donna Meagle
  • Everything is A- okay coolio beans. – Ben Wyatt
  • The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples. – Ron Swanson
  • I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief. – Ron Swanson
  • Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous. – Ron Swanson
  • When I eat, it is the food that is scared. – Ron Swanson
  • Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that. – Ron Swanson
  • I regret nothing. The end. – Ron Swanson
  • Everything hurts and I’m dying. – Leslie Knope
  • These dogs are so cute I want to throw up and kill myself. – Craig Middlebrooks
  • Do I look like I drink water? – Donna Meagle
  • The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes. – Ron Swanson
  • Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, sorcerers, beasties, or time- traveling romances. And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, he would forget all about Skinny Legs Magee, I’ll tell you that much. – Donna Meagle
  • Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor. – Ron Swanson
  • I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree with Ann. – April Ludgate
  • Breakfast food can serve many purposes. – Ron Swanson
  • My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women are brought to him, maybe…when he desires them. – Ron Swanson
  • Lucky for me, I’ve processed all my feelings. And I’ve gone through the five stages of grief: Denial, anger, internet commenting, cat adoption, African dance, cat returning to the adoption place, watching all the episodes of Murphy Brown, and not giving a flying fart. – Leslie Knope
  • Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong. – Ron Swanson

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