214+ BEST Parks and Recreation Quotes to Made You Laugh

We’re constantly both inspired and amused by NBC’s hit comedy Parks and Recreation. This sitcom is full of energy and ideas. Hilarious Parks and Recreation quotes will make you both laugh and think about life, friendship, love, and breakfast.

Legends never die, and with a lot of punchlines, inspirational Parks and Rec quotes will make you laughter in a unique comedic style. Between iconic Leslie Knope quotes, memorable Ron Swanson quotes and most hilarious Tom Haverford quotes, all of them will help put a smile on your face.

We can make our reality a little funnier by remembering funniest April Ludgate, most relatable Jean-Ralphio quotes and funny Andy Dwyer quotes, that are guaranteed to make you day.

Top Parks and Recreation Quotes

There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk. – Ron Swanson

Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go! – April Ludgate

Everything hurts and I’m dying. – Leslie Knope

Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at the moon. Not the same moon, obviously. That’s impossible. – Andy Dwyer

We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third. – Leslie Knope

You get to BS-ing: brainstorming. – Leslie Knope

I’m like an elephant, OK? If I walk into a room it’s like, OK, he’s in there. – Tom Haverford

I don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life. – Leslie Knope

Ann Perkins: No offense, but maybe that’s a little bit of an excuse for not acting on your feelings!

Leslie Knope: No offense, but I don’t remember you having a nursing degree in feelings!

Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems. – Andy Dwyer

Leslie, I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot, and I broke everything. – Andy Dwyer

I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures. – Ron Swanson

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars. – Ron Swanson

I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 pieces, I throw up. – Andy Dwyer

I wonder who else was born in Eagleton. Voldemort probably. – Leslie Knope

Child labor laws are ruining this country. – Ron Swanson

I’m not interested in caring about people. – Ron Swanson

You know my code. Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before Brovaries. – Leslie Knope

I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well. – Andy Dwyer

There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. – Ron Swanson

There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. – Ron Swanson

If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal ‘usted.’ – April Ludgate

On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex- wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time. – Ron Swanson

I know what I’m about, son. – Ron Swanson

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done. – Ron Swanson

If I had a stripper name, it would have to be Equality. – Leslie Knope

It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. – Ron Swanson

There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast foods. – Ron Swanson

The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy. – Ron Swanson

What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me. – Leslie Knope

Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone. – Ron Swanson

Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless. – Ron Swanson

I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you. – April Ludgate

I am not ashamed to say I am often inspired by myself. – Leslie Knope

Treat yo’ self. – Donna Meagle

My first ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My second ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My Mom’s name is Tamara…she goes by Tammy. – Ron Swanson

I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it’s gonna bug me if I don’t. – Ben Wyatt

I’m gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it. – Tom Haverford

How do I explain her? She’s as respected as Mother Teresa, she’s as powerful as Stalin, and she’s as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher. – Leslie Knope

When they say 2% milk, I don’t know what the other 98% is. – Andy Dwyer

I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food. – Ron Swanson

When life gives you lemons, you sell some of your grandma’s jewelry and you go clubbin’. – Jean Ralphio Saperstein

So, you talked to Tammy? What’s it like to stare into the eye of Satan’s butthole? – Ron Swanson

I really am amazing. – Tom Haverford

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life. – Andy Dwyer

You are awesome and everyone else sucks. – April Ludgate

Gotham needs me. – Ben Wyatt

No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here’s April and Andy’s: A hammer, a half- eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans. – Ron Swanson

So, you’ve gone insane. That’s fun. – April Ludgate

My only official recommendations are US Army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two-inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade. – Amy Poehler

There’s like a 30% chance they’ll both die. – Ben Wyatt

Dress code: Black tie optional. Just like life. – Tom Haverford

Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. – Ron Swanson

I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things. – April Ludgate

It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it. – Ron Swanson

When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? Because I bet on all the horses. – Tom Haverford

I am very powerful and feared by many. – April Ludgate

If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair. – Chris Traeger

Oh no, no, no. I’m not lonely, I have me! – Chris Traeger

I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe that luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures. – Ron Swanson

If I had to have anybody tell me that I have cancer, I would want it to be me. – Chris Traeger

The only things I like are dogs, sleeping late, and weird birthmarks. – April Ludgate

Jogging is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost? – Ann Perkins

I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless, and nothing matters, and I’m always tired. – Andy Dwyer

I’m super chill all the time. – Leslie Knope

This is so awesome. We are like Robin Hood. We steal from the club and give to ourselves. – Andy Dwyer

We should talk soon. I almost bought a toe ring the other day. – Ann Perkins

Ann, you beautiful, sassy mannequin come to life. – Leslie Knope

Funny Quotes From Parks And Recreation

Call an ambulance! A different ambulance! The one I ran into! – Andy

If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party. – Ron Swanson

I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions. – April Ludgate

My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese. – Ron Swanson

My brain is on fire. I’m dying. – Chris Traeger

It’s really hard to say congrats without sounding sarcastic. – Ann Perkins

When Andy and I used to go the movies, he would always try to guess the ending of the movie. And he would always guess that the main character had been dead the whole time. Even when we saw Ratatouille. – Ann Perkins

There is no quiet anymore, there is only Doc McStuffins. – Ron Swanson

My anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours. – Chris Traeger

Well, I salsa your face. – Ann Perkins

I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes. – Ron Swanson

I think that comic sans always screams fun, right? – Jerry Gergich

History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake. – Ron Swanson

When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. – Ron Swanson

Can’t make a good soup, can’t do a handstand in a pool. Can’t spell the word lieutenant. There are a lot of cant’s in my life right now. – Leslie Knope

Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #Unbreakable. – Tom Haverford

Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being. – Chris Traeger

If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults. – Ron Swanson

Yes, I’m a hunter… And, it’s You season. – Donna Meagle

I was sobbing at a pizza buffet, and they asked me to leave. – Ann Perkins

I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them. – Chris Traeger

Stay away from wine. Wine is crying juice. – Donna Meagle

Everything is A- okay coolio beans. – Ben Wyatt

The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples. – Ron Swanson

I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief. – Ron Swanson

Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous. – Ron Swanson

When I eat, it is the food that is scared. – Ron Swanson

Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that. – Ron Swanson

I regret nothing. The end. – Ron Swanson

These dogs are so cute I want to throw up and kill myself. – Craig Middlebrooks

Do I look like I drink water? – Donna Meagle

The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes. – Ron Swanson

Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, sorcerers, beasties, or time- traveling romances. And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, he would forget all about Skinny Legs Magee, I’ll tell you that much. – Donna Meagle

Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor. – Ron Swanson

I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree with Ann. – April Ludgate

Breakfast food can serve many purposes. – Ron Swanson

I… sad. – Leslie Knope

My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women are brought to him, maybe…when he desires them. – Ron Swanson

So it’s been three months of no work. No meetings, no memos, no late nights, nothing. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. – Leslie Knope

Lucky for me, I’ve processed all my feelings. And I’ve gone through the five stages of grief: Denial, anger, internet commenting, cat adoption, African dance, cat returning to the adoption place, watching all the episodes of Murphy Brown, and not giving a flying fart. – Leslie Knope

Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong. – Ron Swanson

I once ate a Twix with the wrapper on it, and I’ve never seen the wrapper come out. Also, I’ve swallowed every piece of gum that I’ve chewed for the past 25 years. – Andy Dwyer

One time my refrigerator stopped working. I didn’t know what to do. I just moved. – Tom Haverford

And you can trust me. Because I don’t care enough about you to lie. – Jennifer Barkley

Windows are the eyes to the house. – Andy Dwyer

Funniest ‘Parks And Recreation’ Quotes Ever

I am a goddess, a glorious female warrior. – Leslie Knope

Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot. – Tom Haverford

Do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement? – Leslie Knope

I had to call in a few favors. But if you don’t call in favors to look at women in bikinis and assign them numerical grades, what the hell do you call in favors for? – Tom Haverford

I’m big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself. – Leslie Knope

Boss man, I wanna go home early. Ooh, hold on actually, hang on. Yeah, no, I wanna quit and never come here again. – Mona-Lisa Saperstein

There’s nothing we can’t do if we work hard, never sleep, and shirk from all other responsibilities in our lives. – Leslie Knope

I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my car, I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is, and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask. When they say two percent milk, I don’t know what the other 98 percent is. When I was a baby, my head was so big scientists did experiments on me. I once threw beer at a swan and then it attacked my niece, Rebecca. – Andy Dwyer

One person’s annoying is another’s inspiring and heroic. – Leslie Knope

You have all the strengths. – Leslie Knope

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I’m like a white, male U.S. Senator. – Leslie Knope

Thank god my grandfather just died, so I am fluh-uh-shed with ca-ah-ash. – Jean Ralphio

All I need to do is focus and stay calm. – Leslie Knope

Do it. Fierce. Power. – Leslie Knope

Goodbye, Ann Perkins, my faithful employee. Hello, Ann Perkins, my fallopian princess. – Chris Traeger

Can we have ONE conversation about feminism where MEN get to be in charge? – Kipp Bunthart

I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things. – Leslie Knope

His name is Champion because he’s the dog world champion. – Andy Dwyer

I totally hear you, but erm, I also don’t like what you’re saying. So, if you say no, I will start a fire in the bathroom. – Mona Lisa Saperstein

Oh Ann, you beautiful tropical fish. – Leslie Knope

It’s like I always say. When life gives you lemons, you sell some of your grandma’s jewelry, and go clubbing. – Jean Ralphio

Say goodbye to your father. – Orin

I ate a brownie once at a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn’t any pot in the brownie, it was just an insanely good brownie. – Leslie Knope

Red carpet. My entire apartment is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet. – Tom Haverford

I believe assault should be legal if the person is a jerk. – Leslie Knope

One time I waited outside a woman’s house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants. – Jean-Ralphio

Oh my god! (catches calculator) Hey, Dr. Buttons! I mean, my old calculator. It doesn’t have a name. – Ben Wyatt

It’s not my favorite shirt… but it is my least favorite shirt. – Donna Meagle

A couple more rules: if you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no TV after breakfast. – April Ludgate

I guess my thoughts on abortion are, you know, let’s all just have a good time. – Bobby Newport

I am super chill all the time. – Leslie Knope

Are you duking on my chest right now? – Councilman Jamm

April Ludgate: “Why’d you pay for a limo?”
Andy Dwyer: “Because it’s prom. If you don’t show up in a limo, legally they can’t let you in.”

I can convince small children that I’m a witch. – April Ludgate

Pawnee’s Library Department is the most diabolical, ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I’ve ever seen. They’re like a biker gang, but instead of shotguns and crystal meth they use political savvy and shhhing. – Leslie Knope

I really only listen to, like, German Death Reggae and Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s. And Bette Midler. Obviously. – April Ludgate

Leslie Knope: “I didn’t think you were gonna help.”
April Ludgate: “I still might not.”

No, that’s Buckingham Palace. Hogwarts is fictional. You do know that, don’t you? It’s important to me that you know that. – Ben Wyatt

You can’t say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake. That’s like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal. – Tom Haverford

I have several men in rotation. One’s waiting for me in the car. Don’t worry, I rolled the window down for him. – Donna Meagle

I like people. Places. And things. – April Ludgate

Inspirational Parks and Rec Quotes

I know what things are. – Andy Dwyer

Stop. Pooping. – Chris Traeger

Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. – Ron Swanson

You know, in the 1880s, there were a few years that were pretty rough and tumble in Pawnee. This depicts kind of a famous fight between Reverend Bradley and Annabeth Stevenson, a widowed mother of seven. The original title of this was ‘A Lively Fisting.’ But y’know, they had to change it for… obvious reasons. – Leslie Knope

Horizons are dumb. Never broaden your horizons. – April Ludgate

Most people would say ‘the deets,’ but I say ‘the tails.’ Just another example of innovation. – Tom Haverford

Idaho cut their parks department by 80 percent. And Idaho is basically one giant park. – Ben Wyatt

The raccoon problem is under control. They have their part of the town and we have ours. – Leslie Knope

Guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love. – Leslie Knope

Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets. – Ron Swanson

I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please. – April Ludgate

This seems like the type of place where a Ska band would go to shoot heroin. – Ann Perkins

I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road. – Tom Haverford

I’m gonna get drunk and then I’m gonna order a three-course meal where each course is made of dessert. – Leslie Knope

Ugh. I hate talking to people about things. – April Ludgate

I’m sorry, I have to ask this, but how many legs did that dog have when you found him? – Ben Wyatt

I promised myself I was not going to cry tonight, and I’ve already broken that promise five times. But I will not break it a sixth. – Chris Traeger

The air is so fresh. It’s disgusting. – April Ludgate

Well, I am sorry. That I attended a public event. – Ron Swanson

No one achieves anything alone. – Leslie Knope

On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how pissed is he? – Tom Haverford

Do you think a depressed person could make this? No! – Ben Wyatt

She’s the woooooorst! – Jean Ralphio

Calzones are pointless. They’re just pizza that’s harder to eat. No one likes them. – Leslie Knope

I want to be a giant head and mouth, and just eat rows and rows of junk food pellets. – Ann Perkins

My body is finely tuned, like a microchip, and the flu is like a grain of sand. It could literally shut down the entire system. – Chris Traeger

She’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with her. – April Ludgate

I guess some people object to powerful depictions of awesome ladies. – Leslie Knope

Use him. Abuse him. Lose him. That’s the Meagle motto. – Donna Meagle

I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and broke everything. – Andy Dwyer

I call noodles: long-ass rice. – Tom Haverford

I care. I care a lot. It’s kinda my thing. – Leslie Knope

Pizza? Never heard of it. – Ben Wyatt

I haven’t felt this good in years. And it’s not just because of the supplements he has me taking and the soluble fiber and the increase in regularity. It’s him. – Ann Perkins

I have the toes I have, let’s leave it at that. – Ron Swanson

You’re ridiculous and men’s rights is nothing. – Leslie Knope

I would like a glass of red wine and I’ll take the cheapest one you have because I can’t tell the difference. – Leslie Knope

What’s Galentine’s Day? Oh, it’s only the best day of the year. – Leslie Knope

Ladies celebrating ladies. It’s like Lilith Fair, minus the angst. – Leslie Knope

If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living? – Ron Swanson

I love games that turn people against each other. – April Ludgate

I love you guys! And Ann specifically. – Leslie Knope

Ann, you opalescent tree shark. – Leslie Knope

Ann, there is nothing harder in the entire world than saying no to your beautiful face. – Leslie Knope

Ann, you’re so sweet and innocent and pretty. – Leslie Knope

I got run over by a Lexus! – Jean-Ralphio

K to the N to the O P E, she’s the dopest littler shorty in all Pawnee. Indiana. – Jean-Ralphio

I hope you brought a change of clothes. Your eyes are about to piss tears. – Jean-Ralphio

I had a small part in Argo. As well as the porn version, Our Goo. – Brandy Maxx

Daddy, someone started a fire in your car because you took too long and (sings) I got bored. – Mona-Lisa Saperstein

Money pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaasssseeee! – Mona-Lisa Saperstein

Why don’t you turn that frizown upsidizity. – Jean-Ralphio

I’ve been quite open about this around the office: I don’t want this parks department to build any parks because I don’t believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for-profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese. – Ron Swanson

The Tucker Park Graffiti Removal Project was a great idea that just ran out of steam. We had removed five cartoon penises — not even 10 percent when we were shut down due to lack of funding. To this day, I am haunted by those remaining penises. One penis in particular… – Leslie Knope

I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself. – Leslie Knope

Now, go find your team, and get to work. – Leslie Knope

Are you kidding me? Sell baby, sell! Could you imagine the Treat Yo’Self day we could have? It would be pedicures on top of pedicures on top of pedicures. – Donna Meagle

Hey, Leslie. It’s Leslie. Hang in there. I love you. Bye. – Leslie Knope

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