You got it right. This is a cliche post about what I’m thankful for. So, it’s your choice. You can leave…and settle for me completely wasting your time…or you can read on about how I’m thankful I am….for everything.
Gratitude. I think it’s the biggest determination of our attitude and what makes us “happy”. It’s easy to go around the family circle and say one thing you’re thankful for but can you do it 24/7? I’ll let you into a little secret. My 2017 was absolutely lit….until around September…when it ABSOLUTELY fell to…shit. It seemed what was my “dream” turned out to be a disaster…and I didn’t feel God next to me. I didn’t…take care of ME. Perspective. I realized in the midst of all these “feelings”, I was doing nothing but complaining. Nothing but crying. Nothing but holding on to things I just COULDN’T let go. Until…a little voice in my head…and I still can’t say if it was God or if it was me…But, just as clear…just as still…just as bold…the thought said “Choose Me”.
I shed a lot of tears. I did a lot of crying. I do a lot of staying awake at night with my own anxious thoughts, my own fear, and my own worries. But PERSPECTIVE. My perspective is beginning to shift…in order to “choose me”. Thus, I’m thankful for everything.
- Breath. Because I know what it’s like to feel like I can’t breathe…to feel like the air is just too…hard to inhale. I know that without breath…hearts beat and beat and beat. I know without breath…I am not me.
- Memories. It’s amazing that within one text, one song, or one video…there’s a thousand memories. I hold on to memories, because…they make me happy. I know that one day…I may grow old and maybe they won’t be so close. And God forbid, but one day…I may not remember. So, I’m thankful for the ability to remember my first kiss in the back of a classroom and going to a concert with my friends in December.
- My grandmother’s love. Because she’s the type of woman that surprises me EVERY Valentine’s Day and stays on the phone with me while I study…The type to dance with me in bathrooms and talk like we’re best buddies. I am immensely thankful for my grandmother’s love because if it weren’t for her….life would have been so different. Without her, I would’ve been just…ordinary. That’s the kind of love she gives…something out of this world that simply…makes me believe. Makes me believe in my dreams…and makes me believe in me.
- Risks. You know…the type of risks you take when everything tells you “Don’t do it”…”Don’t talk to him”…But, you do it anyway. I’m not afraid of risks. In fact, I should probably do a better job of “trusting my gut”. But, I don’t regret my risks…Sure…some lead to disappointment. But…in the end, risks still lead to MEMORIES.
- Love. LORD KNOWS!!!! I’m thankful for love. Because 2017, while it had it’s difficulties, it loved on me…and love? Well…it lifted to me. It took me high up and even brought me down. But through it all, love gave me a crown and called me Queen…Love gave me a soul and made me alive and free…Love makes me happy. Love..makes me “ME”. Love gave me a friend…that I never knew anyone want to be so “down” for me. Love gave me a right hand, another half, a puzzle piece of ME. Love….oh love….loves me.
- Mentors. And this go to any of them…near or far…family or friends…professors…I’m thankful. Because often, it’s challenging to be me. It’s challenging to see me. It’s challenging to believe…in me. Mentors. They see me. And they show me everything I don’t think I’m capable of. They push me and even aid in my strive for perfection. And when the hard work is evident, they praise me…which I admit, is sometimes something I need. To my mentors everywhere, thank you for helping me succeed.
- Claflin University. My FOREVER home “On a Hilltop High”, I am forever grateful. Who would’ve ever knew just how much Claflin would mean to me…the people, the challenges, the home…that built ME. Four years later…and I must say, it was an AMAZING journey. I will always be proud of my home and what it’s afforded me-confidence, hard work, adventures, leadership, great friends, and victory.
- Freedom. Who says I have to be put together all the time, a lady, and classy? Sometimes, I’m…not put together. Sometimes, I’m broken. Sometimes, I’m loud. And sometimes? I like nasty. I tell everyone…I never want to be trapped…and sometimes I think “adventure” is the only destiny for me. But I’m learning…I can have life. I can have love …I can be whatever version of me…AND be free. Because love? Because life? Neither are or should be…controlling. Both…should be absolutely and madly…liberating. So, freedom. I’m thankful that I can roam Atlanta and this country. I am thankful that in the midst of a country in so much turmoil…I’m black…and I’m free.
- Best Friend. I’m thankful for a best friend that I never knew…would become so good to me…and I’m so grateful for the day he was so unselfish and offered those snacks to me. I’m thankful for all the times he flirted with me…and went on adventures with me. I’m thankful for all the things he says he sees that I can’t see. I’m thankful that he’s…become a piece of me. I’m thankful for the smile that graces his face just to say “You’re so pretty”…or the way he goes from grown man to little boy as he shares how he can’t wait to grow old with me. I’m thankful for you, best friend…and the love you give me. Each day, I do a little more accepting…of you…and accepting of me. Thank you, for becoming what you’re becoming…and trying to be the Man YOU know you can be. Thank you for teaching me how to provide more love to those around me. Thank you for calling me…repeatedly…because I don’t know why I don’t call. I guess I’m just already comfortable in, “He got me”. Best friend, losing you would be a tragedy. On this day, I’m thankful for the stumbles best friend…the road blocks….and the victories you bring me. Best friend…we don’t know what God has for you or what God has for me but I’m growing…and I pray everyday that you too are growing. I don’t know about you, but this is my season of waiting for God’s timing…And not settling. And I hope that not only God, but YOU will see the woman I dream about and KNOW I will be. Best friend, I will be fierce…I will be bold. I will get this white coat….and I know regardless…you got me.
- Mommy. This year offered a NEWFOUND appreciation for my mama. Because…I know what my life could’ve been. I know…that she isn’t perfect…but she will always be mama. She will always wear a red cape to me. In her own way…I’d like to think Mama always knew…what would become of me. So, mama had no choice but to leave. I’m thankful for my mama, because she had courage. She had courage to have me, she had courage to leave me, and she courage to love me…despite my own imperfections and my own insecurities. I still love you Ma, even if we are miles apart and some phone calls may be less than 10 minutes. If I count on anything, I know…Mama loves me. I know that’s true. I’m thankful for you Mama, because you are me and I am you. I think…you deserve the world…and maybe I work so hard because despite it all, I still wanna give it. I still aim for these relentless dreams, eager to see ya smile…eager to hear “You did it”. You’re a part of my soul too Mama. I can’t run from it any longer. You are me and I am you. I am my mother’s daughter.
- Life. I prayed all the time about what was “going on with me”, that I had to realize “Dia, when did you become so selfish?” Life is definitely not all about me. Not when there are hospitals filled with children waiting to be put of their misery. Not when there’s broken homes and people constantly thinking “Why me?” God, life is NOT about me. So, I pray now…and intentionally try to 1) pray without ceasing… and 2) pray for others BESIDES me. Life is so…precious. Yet, there are still some people who don’t want it. Because the world is not cotton candy and rainbows. It’s not sunshine and candy. The world is rape. The world is violence. The world is endless bottles of whiskey and brandy. My world may be up…but somewhere, I’m sure just down the block…someone’s world is down. I’m so grateful for everything that I go through…and everything that I weather…because someone…somewhere last night, gave up their feathers.
- Music. It never occurred to me just how much music meant to me…until recently. It can take my day from depressing to absolute…jubilee. Music also carries so many…of my precious jubilee. Music…heals me.
- Friends. Before college graduation, it was all so simple then…confined to the walls and campus around us. At first, I never imagined adulthood to be “so lonely”. But, I failed to see…that friends come and go. But friends, “true friends”, will never leave you lonely. So whether it’s in the weekly calls or spontaneous visits, I know my friends near and far…hopefully, still care about me. I know we have to let go..of 24/7 laughs and simply, what used to be. I had to let go of yall…and you have to let go of me. And no matter when the next time we come together, it’ll be anything but lonely. I’m thankful for you all and I hope that this next chapter makes you happy. I thank you MOST for accepting my corny jokes…and accepting me. Thank you for making me happy.
- Family. I just couldn’t leave out family, because of everything you guys do for me. I expel my whole truths..exhibit my own faults…and still you guys call, buy me food, listen to me cry, and tell me you still love me. Thank you for being the second most important thing to me.
- God. Good ole’ God. It’s been a while, but thank you for bringing me back. Thank you for seeing me when I don’t see me. Thank you….for loving me. And lately, I felt that love immensely….your grace, your mercy, they…save me. It’s hard God sometimes…to put my trust in something that my eyes cannot see. So, when I get angry, when I doubt you, when I worry…thank you for telling me “Trust me”. Just…I know I’m not perfect..and maybe this part of my journey won’t last long and I’ll have to start over..AGAIN…but thank you for loving a sinner like me. Sometimes, I’m envious and insecure…but you love me so passionately. And that subsequently…makes me love me. So, thank you. You’re a father when I need direction, a friend when I need someone to depend on, and a man when I want to be kept warm…LOL. I know I clown a lot in my prayers, too, but I don’t neglect that your favor upon. I tried and try to self-destruct…but for some reason, you never let me. You have big things destined for me. And I am so excited. I’d be disappointed BUT still excited even if it’s just you and me…LOL again…God, thank you for matching an abundance of love to an abundance of my sin. You always win. Thank you.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! These 15 things still do not account for so much gratitude and happiness in my heart. On this thanksgiving day, please remember….it’s not about your start….or where you THINK you’re headed. But, it’s the tiny moments in today that matter..the people today you need to love…and the world around you in which WE can make a difference. Wherever you may be reading this, I’m thankful for you, too. Because you matter. Your soul matters. Your breath matters. And when you enter Dialosophy…you are me. And I am you. And that’s truer than true.
Spread love today, and know…there’s no one alive that’s YOU’er than YOU. I love you.