50+ Best Bill Hicks Quotes: Exclusive Selection

William Melvin Hicks was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist and musician. His material—encompassing a wide range of social issues including religion, politics, and philosophy—was controversial and often steeped in dark comedy. Profoundly inspirational Bill Hicks quotes will fire up your brain and inspire you to look at life differently while making you laugh.

If you’re searching for famous comedy quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of quotes from Bill Maher, powerful Bo Burnham quotes and famous Dave Chappelle quotes.

Famous Bill Hicks Quotes

It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full-time job and children.

People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That’s pretty f*ck*ng cruel, isn’t it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?

Bill Hicks quotes

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don’t like anything in the mainstream and they don’t like me.

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.

They lie about m*rij*n*. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the f-ck-ng effort. There is a difference.

I have never seen two people on pot get in a fight because it is f*ck-ng IMPOSSIBLE. “Hey, buddy!” “Hey, what?” “Ummmmmmm….” End of argument.

I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.

Funniest Bill Hicks Quotes

Why is m*rij*n* against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?

It’s just a ride.

We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that right?

Here you go, America! You are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!

I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do.

Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

I’m tired of this back-slappin’ isn’t humanity neat” bullsh*t. We’re a virus with shoes.

Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again.

This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.

If you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.

I believe everyone has this f*ckin’ poem in his heart.

It’s great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this sh*t one more time.

I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

Hilarious Bill Hicks Quotes

Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.

Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving.

Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a f*cking joke.

Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say, ‘Yeah? When?’

Not all drugs are good… Some of them are great.

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.

What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, or take into my body as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?

There’s no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we’re the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.

Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively.

I loved when Bush came out and said, ‘We are losing the war against drugs.’ You know what that implies? There’s a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are.

I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

Wouldn’t that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies?

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we’re all one?

It’s all about money, not freedom. You think you’re free? Try going somewhere without money.

If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul.

It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom.

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