58+ Best Funny Basketball Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Basketball is a team sport in which two teams, most commonly of five players each, opposing one another on a rectangular court, compete with the primary objective of shooting a basketball through the defender’s hoop while preventing the opposing team from shooting through their own hoop. Inspirational funny basketball quotes will fire up your brain and inspire you to look at life differently while making you laugh.

If you’re searching for amusing quotes and best sarcastic quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of extremely funny beer quotes, hilarious breakup quotes and funniest car quotes.

Famous Funny Basketball Quotes

Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer. – Shaquille O’Neal

All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine. – Charles Barkley

I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I’ve got a technique. It’s called just go get the damn ball. – Charles Barkley

There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the basket. – Abe Lemmons

What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? – Woody Allen

The only difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if it goes in or not. – Charles Barkley

funny basketball quotes

This is basketball, not figure skating. You don’t get extra points for degree of difficulty. – Bob Hurley

Yeah, Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn’t know anything about it personally but I’ve heard about it through the grapevine. – Charles Barkley

You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I’m the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right. – Charles Barkley

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds. – Wilt Chamberlain

Basketball is like photography, if you don’t focus, all you have is the negative. – Dan Frisby

A tough day at the office is even tougher when your office contains spectator seating. – Nik Posa

Kids are great. That’s one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet. It’s a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to the games and call you names. – Charles Barkley

I haven’t been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either. – Dave Barry

What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? – Woody Allen

Fans never fall asleep at our games, because they’re afraid they might get hit by a pass. – George Raveling

If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming. – Charles Barkley

Basketball, a game which won’t be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo. – Ogden Nash

If you meet the Buddha in the lane, feed him the ball. – Phil Jackson

Shooting is just like toenails. They may fall off occasionally, but you know they’ll always come back. – Charles Johnson

Basketball doesn’t build character. It reveals it. – Unknown

When I dunk, I put something on it. I want the ball to hit the floor before I do. – Darryl Dawkins

Winning is like deodorant – it comes up and a lot of things don’t stink. – Doc Rivers

The invention of basketball was not an accident.It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play “Drop the Handkerchief. – James Naismith

These are my new shoes. They’re good shoes. They won’t make you rich like me, they won’t make you rebound like me, they definitely won’t make you handsome like me. They’ll only make you have shoes like me. That’s it. – Charles Barkley

I’m not against taking shots, but I am against taking bad shots. – Hank Iba

You don’t play against opponents, you play against the game of basketball. – Bobby Knight

Winning is overrated. The only time it is really important is in surgery and war. – Al McGuire

Don’t call me son unless you’re going to include me in your will. – Al McGuire

A team should be an extension of a coach’s personality. My teams are arrogant and obnoxious. – Al McGuire

The invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys simply would not play. Drop the Handkerchief. – James Naismith

I knew I was dog meat. Luckily, I’m the high-priced dog meat that everybody wants. I’m the good-quality dog meat. I’m the Alpo of the NBA. – Shaquille O’Neal

There are really only two plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the basket. – Abe Lemons

We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors. – Weldon Drew

The only mystery in life is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. – Al McGuire

Our guys took Shop and Advanced Shop. Shop is when you make a chair. Advanced Shop is when you paint it. – Al McGuire

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cab driver. Then they would really be educated. – Al McGuire

If the waitress has dirty ankles, the chili is good. – Al McGuire

This [basketball] is the second most exciting indoor sport, and the other one shouldn’t have spectators. – Dick Vertleib

If you make every game a life and death proposition, you’re going to have problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot. – Dean Smith

Basketball is not an equal opportunity game. If you can’t shoot it well, you don’t get to shoot. – Bob Hurley

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds. – Wilt Chamberlain

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team. – George Raveling

I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a – 500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class. – George Raveling

I hate it. It looks like a stickup at 7-Eleven. Five guys standing there with their hands in the air. – Norm Sloan

Any time Detroit scores more than a hundred points and holds the other team below a hundred points, they almost always win. – Doug Collins

The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy. – Jerry Tarkanian

Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up. – Bill Vaughn

You don’t play against opponents, you play against the game of basketball. – Bobby Knight

You can say something to popes, kings and presidents, but you can’t talk to officials. In the next war they ought to give everyone a whistle. – Abe Lemmons

We’re shooting – 00 percent – 60 percent from the field and 40 percent from the free-throw line. – Norm Stewart

The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy. – Jerry Tarkanian

This year we plan to run and shoot. Next season we hope to run and score. – Billy Tubbs

I liked the choreography, but I didn’t care for the costumes. – Tommy Tune

The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy. – Jerry Tarkanian

Believe that the loose ball that you are chasing has your name wirtten on it. – Mike Krzyzewski

We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors. – Weldon Drew

Not only is there more to life than basketball, there’s a lot more to basketball than basketball. – Phil Jackson

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