60+ Best Karl Pilkington Quotes: Exclusive Selection

Karl Pilkington is an English television presenter, author, comedian, radio producer, actor and voice actor. Profoundly inspirational Karl Pilkington quotes will encourage growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.

If you’re searching for quotes by comedians that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of profound Larry David quotes, greatest Richard Pryor quotes and powerful Ricky Gervais quotes.

Famous Karl Pilkington Quotes

We should all love animals.

I don’t watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that’s in there.

To be honest, marriage doesn’t scare me and that, it’s just once you’ve been together for so long, if you haven’t got any kids it’s just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn’t it?

I’ve never understood the ‘things to do before you die’ idea. If I was ill, I’d be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.

I’ve never won many awards, I didn’t get certificates for swimming or anything.

That’s the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.

I’m not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn’t really changed.

For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.

When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I’ve done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that.

If you’re doing the same job every day, there’s room for error.

I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.

I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I’m not great.

I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla’s just sat there doing nowt.

I don’t want to go about offending people; that’s not my plan.

Inspirational Karl Pilkington Quotes

I don’t know what I’m meant to do. I’m not important, am I? I’m not doing anything that makes a difference.

I’ve done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you’re still dead. For that much money I’d want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash.

Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do.

You know, when you’re a producer, you’re a bit of a lackey. You’re just making cups of tea and making sure they’ve got newspaper, stuff like that.

I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that’s all you can do in life, really.

I really can’t believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.

I’m not a proper traveler. I don’t like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.

I’ve got loads of nieces and nephews.

Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.

The reason I did the book about holidays is that you’re a different person on holiday. You’re sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you’ve never met and for 10 days you’re someone else. You’re out of your comfortable zone.

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched ‘University Challenge.’ The onion was probably the highlight.

People eat duck and you think, well, we’ve got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!

Making the ‘An Idiot Abroad’ series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I’d hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill – just like everyone says.

People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.

People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don’t know if that’s true, if that’s some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.

Top Karl Pilkington Quotes

The other day I was thinking – because I get a lot of headaches – I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it’s probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it’s at the top as opposed to, I don’t, dangling at the bottom somewhere.

At the end of the day, teachers aren’t going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, ’cause it was never gonna happen. We can’t all be brainy, can we? That’s just the way the world is.

I’d rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.

It’s not a joke: I really do like being at home.

To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don’t need any spoiling or looking after.

But I’m not an idiot. At the end of the day, I’ve learned a lot.

Everyone is living for everyone else now. They’re doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don’t get all that social media stuff, I’ve always got other things I want to do – odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.

All fame is is having people you don’t know coming up to you and saying, ‘Hello.’ I’m always polite and people are always nice, but it’s weird.

If you’d have told me five years ago that I’d have done all this – two books, some television and everything – I’d panic, I’d be scared.

The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.

I’d say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they’re meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.

People who live in glass houses… have to answer the door.

It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.

If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you’re not used to spending that much time with people.

I mean, I don’t really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.

A slug is always on its own. It’s a lonely insect.

Who’d have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?

When you’ve been on a programme called ‘An Idiot Abroad’ job offers aren’t exactly flying in.

I think it’s a problem when something’s a dream because it’ll never live up to your expectations. It’s better to go somewhere thinking it’ll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.

I’ve never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.

With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads?

I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don’t quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there’s awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don’t televise it. I don’t know why they do it for films or TV programs.

You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.

Being honest with you, it’s not the ‘great’ wall of China. It’s an all right wall. It’s the ‘All Right Wall of China.’

I don’t know any Londoners ‘cos I’m from Manchester.

With acting, I didn’t get much from it.

And we’ve got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

I don’t know what the future is, but you just do it whilst it’s there, don’t you?

I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you’re seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that’s added gives you a certain feeling.

I’ve learnt that, even though I’ve travelled about, I haven’t changed that much.

I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.

I’m not that lazy, but I don’t need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.

I’ve never worried about life’s big questions.

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn’t wait to get off the stage.

I sometimes wonder how we’re short of cod. There’s gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it’s a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they’re running out of all sorts. Make ’em panic a bit.

Comedy’s really subjective, you know; that’s why it’s so hard.

I don’t think I’d be a very good parent. I’d be too honest.

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