51+ Best April Ludgate Quotes: Exclusive Selection

April Roberta Ludgate-Dwyer is a fictional character in the NBC comedy Parks and Recreation. Profoundly inspirational April Ludgate quotes will encourage growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.

Famous April Ludgate Quotes

I love games that turn people against each other. – April Ludgate

Thank you, alcohol. – April Ludgate

What? I love garbage. – April Ludgate

I wasn’t listening to anything you just said. – April Ludgate

Leslie said it was a ‘come as you were in the s’ party. I assumed it was the s. – April Ludgate

I’m just gonna live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross. – April Ludgate

Yes, I am very powerful and feared by many. – April Ludgate

Stay back, sl*t. – April Ludgate

So, you’ve gone insane! That’s fun. – April Ludgate

I really only listen to like, German death reggae. And Halloween sound effect records from the s. And Bette Middler, obviously. – April Ludgate

My instinct is to be mean to you. – April Ludgate

Don’t try to bond with me. – April Ludgate

I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please. – April Ludgate

I’ll just forge it. I forge government documents all the time. – April Ludgate

Jerry: ‘I really wish I could have your body.’  Tom: ‘What?’  April: ‘Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?’  Jerry: ‘No, no I mean you’re in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.’  Leslie: ‘That was weird, Jerry.’ – April Ludgate

I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions. – April Ludgate

Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go! – April Ludgate

I hate talking to people about things. – April Ludgate

I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two passions. – April Ludgate

It’s because I’m half wolf. – April Ludgate

April:Someone will die. Andy:Of fun. – April Ludgate

High schooler:Where’d you get that dress? April:I was buried in it. – April Ludgate

I want to tell people what to do, then send them far away from me. – April Ludgate

I can convince small children that I’m a witch. – April Ludgate

I only tell the truth when it makes me sound like I’m lying. – April Ludgate

Is this gonna be one of those cool bachelorette parties where things get out of control and we murder someone and then we all have to take a blood oath to never reveal our secret? – April Ludgate

I very maturely and straightforwardly left anonymous comments about her online. – April Ludgate

I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree with Ann. – April Ludgate

(While being hugged)Ow! You’re hurting me! – April Ludgate

Hey, Ann, are you still a nurse or did they fire you because you slept with all the doctors? – April Ludgate

That’s gross. I love it. – April Ludgate

I declare that everything you are saying is stupid. – April Ludgate

This is my boyfriend, Derek. This is Derek’s boyfriend, Ben. – April Ludgate

She’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with her. – April Ludgate

I don’t care about that prize, but I’m gonna win because I want his happiness to go away. – April Ludgate

Horizons are dumb. Never broaden your horizons. – April Ludgate

Jerry:You look lovely. April:I’m going to murder you a thousand times. – April Ludgate

I will be providing my world famous $ lap dances. – April Ludgate

The air is so fresh. It’s disgusting. – April Ludgate

Ann’s leaving town, and saying painful goodbyes to loved ones. Greatest day of my life! – April Ludgate

At least I didn’t make any new friendships. – April Ludgate

[Dogs] should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people. – April Ludgate

She’s the cold, distant mother I never had…I love her. – April Ludgate

I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you. – April Ludgate

Ugh. I hate talking to people about things. – April Ludgate

You don’t add up. – April Ludgate

I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend more than $ on wine, you are very stupid. – April Ludgate

Being nice made me feel terrible. – April Ludgate

We have a couple of house rules, though. You can’t use the front door. You have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal ‘usted.’ And no electricity after : PM.   A couple more rules: if you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no TV after breakfast. – April Ludgate

Alcohol is fun and delicious. – April Ludgate

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