April Roberta Ludgate-Dwyer is a fictional character in the NBC comedy Parks and Recreation. Profoundly inspirational April Ludgate quotes will encourage growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.
Legends never die, and with a lot of punchlines, iconic Parks and Rec quotes will make you laughter in a unique comedic style. Between memorable Leslie Knope quotes and most relatable Tom Haverford quotes, all of them will help put a smile on your face.
We can make our reality a little funnier by remembering classic Ron Swanson quotes, funny Jean-Ralphio quotes and most hilarious Andy Dwyer quotes, that are guaranteed to make you day.
Famous April Ludgate Quotes
At least I didn’t make any new friendships. – April Ludgate
Leslie said it was a ‘come as you were in the 90s’ party. I assumed it was the 1690s. – April Ludgate
I love games that turn people against each other. – April Ludgate
I can convince small children that I’m a witch. – April Ludgate
Prom is nothing but a huge party full of smiling, dancing people enjoying themselves. It’s literally my worst nightmare. And I hate punch. – April Ludgate
Beauty pageants are idiotic. But I found out that the winner of the Miss Pawnee pageant gets $600. I can be idiotic for $600. – April Ludgate
I hate talking to people about things. – April Ludgate
I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you. – April Ludgate
Ann: Once again, they are my biological children.
April: And once again, I don’t believe you.
Thank you, alcohol. – April Ludgate
What? I love garbage. – April Ludgate
I wasn’t listening to anything you just said. – April Ludgate
I’m just gonna live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross. – April Ludgate
Yes, I am very powerful and feared by many. – April Ludgate
I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things. – April Ludgate
Stay back, sl*t. – April Ludgate
So, you’ve gone insane! That’s fun. – April Ludgate
I really only listen to like, German death reggae. And Halloween sound effect records from the s. And Bette Middler, obviously. – April Ludgate
My instinct is to be mean to you. – April Ludgate
Don’t try to bond with me. – April Ludgate
I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please. – April Ludgate
I’ll just forge it. I forge government documents all the time. – April Ludgate
Jerry: ‘I really wish I could have your body.’ Tom: ‘What?’ April: ‘Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?’ Jerry: ‘No, no I mean you’re in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.’ Leslie: ‘That was weird, Jerry.’
I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions. – April Ludgate
Funniest April Ludgate Quotes
Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go! – April Ludgate
It’s because I’m half wolf. – April Ludgate
April: “Someone will die.”
Andy: “Of fun.”
High schooler: “Where’d you get that dress?”
April: “I was buried in it.”
April: But in the end? Bringing a child into this world? That’s disgusting!
Andy: Nooo, we’d wipe all the disgusting stuff right off it!
I want to tell people what to do, then send them far away from me. – April Ludgate
I didn’t even do anything. The voodoo doll is reading my thoughts. – April Ludgate
I only tell the truth when it makes me sound like I’m lying. – April Ludgate
I’m going to tell you a secret about everyone else’s job: no one knows what they’re doing. Deep down everyone is just faking it until they figure it out. And you will too, because you are awesome and everyone else sucks. – April Ludgate
I don’t care about that prize. But I’m going to win anyway because I want his happiness to go away. – April Ludgate
Is this gonna be one of those cool bachelorette parties where things get out of control and we murder someone and then we all have to take a blood oath to never reveal our secret? – April Ludgate
I very maturely and straightforwardly left anonymous comments about her online. – April Ludgate
I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree with Ann. – April Ludgate
(While being hugged)Ow! You’re hurting me! – April Ludgate
Hey, Ann, are you still a nurse or did they fire you because you slept with all the doctors? – April Ludgate
That’s gross. I love it. – April Ludgate
I love games that turn people against each other. – April Ludgate
Hello, I’m April Ludgate. I’m 20-years-old. I like people… places… and things. – April Ludgate
I declare that everything you are saying is stupid. – April Ludgate
Being a responsible adult sucks butts. – April Ludgate
This is my boyfriend, Derek. This is Derek’s boyfriend, Ben. – April Ludgate
I declare that everything you are saying is stupid. – April Ludgate
She’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with her. – April Ludgate
I don’t care about that prize, but I’m gonna win because I want his happiness to go away. – April Ludgate
Hilarious April Ludgate Quotes
Horizons are dumb. Never broaden your horizons. – April Ludgate
Jerry: “You look lovely.”
April: “I’m going to murder you a thousand times.”
Don’t try to bond with me. – April Ludgate
I will be providing my world famous $100 lap dances. – April Ludgate
The air is so fresh. It’s disgusting. – April Ludgate
Because I really don’t care what happens to them. – April Ludgate
The air is too fresh. It’s disgusting. I can’t bre – April Ludgate
Ann’s leaving town, and saying painful goodbyes to loved ones. Greatest day of my life! – April Ludgate
[Dogs] should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people. – April Ludgate
Andy: I get to push the buttons! I call it!
April: He called it.
Leslie: Yeah I know.
She’s the cold, distant mother I never had…I love her. – April Ludgate
Leslie: (reads part of a speech) “What do you think?”
April: “I think you should lose the first line and the last line, and all of the other lines and instead just walk up to the mic and meow really loudly for eight minutes.”
You don’t add up. – April Ludgate
Oh yeah, you completely disgraced yourself and almost destroyed an entire town! – April Ludgate
I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree. – April Ludgate
The air is too fresh. It’s disgusting. I can’t breathe. There’s a brook somewhere that won’t stop babbling. Shut up! – April Ludgate
I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend more than $ on wine, you are very stupid. – April Ludgate
Andy, if you have a secret, you have to tell me. That’s the whole point of marriage! You get twice the secrets! – April Ludgate
Being nice made me feel terrible. – April Ludgate
Chicago has a lot of stuff and people, but I like to nothing and hang out with no one, so no thank you. And I love you. But no thank you. – April Ludgate
Andy: Ohh babe you had a crush on me, that’s embarrassing!
April: We’re married.
Andy: Still!
I found a dead rabbit on the side of the road and I cut its feet off and made it into a lucky charm. – April Ludgate
We have a couple of house rules, though. You can’t use the front door. You have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal ‘usted.’ And no electricity after : PM. A couple more rules: if you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no TV after breakfast. – April Ludgate
Alcohol is fun and delicious. – April Ludgate
The only things I like are dogs, sleeping late, and weird birthmarks. You can’t make museums about those. – April Ludgate
Ben told you to finish the website, and if you don’t do it, I swear to God I’m going to murder you in your sleep. I know where you live – fourteenth street, right? (Gets quieter) I’m going to get a melon baller and scoop your eyes out and eat them and your Congressman uncle is going to have to buy you a dog to drag your eyeless face around. Do you understand me? (Kisses him on the nose, then slaps him.) Do it. – April Ludgate
Leslie: You wanted to run something by me?
April: Yes. So well you help me?
Leslie: you don’t need me! You can get whatever job you want!
Leslie: Let’s do an exercise. April, what makes Pawnee the best city in the world?
April: Easy. City Hall is run by the walrus mafia.
