70+ Best Jim Halpert Quotes To Inspire With Laughter

James Duncan “Jim” Halpert is a fictional character in the U.S. version of the television sitcom The Office, portrayed by John Krasinski. Profoundly inspirational Jim Halpert quotes will challenge the way you think, and help guide you through any life experience.

Legends never die, and iconic quotes from The Office and funny Michael Scott quotes will make you laughter in a unique comedic style. Between relatable Kevin Malone quotes, classic Dwight Schrute quotes and most memorable Robert California quotes, all of them will help put a smile on your face.

Famous Jim Halpert Quotes

I took the role to impress a receptionist who will remain nameless. – Jim Halpert

So this is my life. Until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books. – Jim Halpert

For a really long time that’s all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think, even then I knew, I was waiting for my wife. – Jim Halpert

You are everything. – Jim Halpert

Actually I am in an office relationship. It’s special… She’s nice, she’s shy. She’s actually here if you wanna meet her. – Jim Halpert

Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train. – Jim Halpert

I gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything, and I… and I love her. I also love her very much. – Jim Halpert

Jim Halpert: So, what is the problem?
Dwight Schrute: Angela. J
im Halpert: I don’t know what you want me to tell you, man. All I know is that every time I’ve been faced with a tough decision, there’s only one thing that outweighs every other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation.
Dwight Schrute: Some sort of virus?
Jim Halpert: Love.
Dwight Schrute: Oh.

My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real. – Jim Halpert

Having a baby is exhausting. Having two babies? Now that’s just mean. – Jim Halpert

funny Jim Halpert quotes

Dwight: As a fellow Dunder Mifflin employee, I feel for you, but like you, I am completely powerless to the whims of the new building owner.
Jim: Which is you.

Jim: So, as it turns out, I may not have done so hot on my customer reviews this year.
Pam: Maybe it’s because you spent the whole year flirting with the receptionist.
Jim: Little bit. Worth it.

Everything I have I owe to this job…this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job. – Jim Halpert

Jim: See, you’re always saying there’s something wrong with society. Maybe there’s something wrong with you?
Michael: If it’s me, then society made me that way.

Plan A was marrying her a long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her. – Jim Halpert

This is “parkour”, the internet sensation of 2004. It was in one of the Bond films. It’s pretty impressive. The point is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing parkour as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital. – Jim Halpert

Jim: Dwight, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Dwight: I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.

Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice? – Jim Halpert

Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. – Jim Halpert

Jim: Say that we’re the tour managers for Justin Bieber, and we’re giving away free tickets.
Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim: He…is a crime-fighting beaver.

It is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I’d like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try. – Jim Halpert

Absolutely I do. – Jim Halpert

Jim: ‘Hey, can I talk to you about something?’
Pam: ‘About when you want to give me more of your money?’
Jim: ‘No, I…’
Pam: ‘Did you want to do that now? We can go inside. I’m feeling kind of good tonight.’
Jim: ‘I was just… I’m in love with you.’
Pam: [No longer smiling] ‘What?’
Jim: ‘I’m really sorry if that’s weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just…’
Pam: ‘What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?’
Jim: ‘I just needed you to know. Once.’
Pam: ‘Well, I… I… I can’t.’
Jim: ‘Yeah.’
Pam: ‘You have no idea…’
Jim: ‘Don’t do that.’
Pam: ‘…what your friendship means to me.’
Jim: ‘Come on. I don’t want to do that. I wanna be more than that.’

There’s this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there’s an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a… phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it’ll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity. – Jim Halpert

Pam Beesly: Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail?
Jim Halpert: I think I’m a little too busy these days to s— Oh, my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail.

Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that is a felony.
Jim: Okay. Whoa, all right, ’cause that’s a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they’re fake?
Dwight: [reading] Uh, ‘Leprosy. Flesh-eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection.

hilarious Jim Halpert quotes

He has not stopped working… for a second. At 12:45, he sneezed while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32, he peed. And I know that because he did that in an open soda bottle, under the desk, while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I’ve been so busy watching him that I haven’t even started work. It’s exhausting, being this vigilant. I’ll probably have to go home early today. – Jim Halpert

Everything I have I owe to this job…this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job. – Jim Halpert

God, this is so sad, this is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head. – Jim Halpert

Jim Halpert: Wow, that’s a lot of keys.
Dwight Schrute: The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.
Jim Halpert: That’s right. The janitor said that.

Dwight: If you’re ever in the area, you’ll always have a place to stay…in my barn.
Jim: There it is.

Michael Scott: Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely not. It’s just that sometimes goodbyes are a b*tch.

Jim: I think it’s time for you to bury the hatchet.
Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet.

Yeah. Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact. – Jim Halpert

I think it’s great that the company’s making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or…and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide. – Jim Halpert

Tomorrow I can tell you what a great boss you turned out to be. Best boss I ever had. – Jim Halpert

Dwight: You’re a good assistant Jim.
Jim: Not as good as you.
Dwight: That’s very true. Get the hell out of here.

Plan a was marrying her a long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her. – Jim Halpert

I am a black belt in gift wrapping. – Jim Halpert

Fact: bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar galactica. – Jim Halpert

Dwight: We’re third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn’t technically incest.
Jim: Right in the sweet spot.

I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win. – Jim Halpert

You’re looking at the master of leaving parties early. – Jim Halpert

Jim: That’s my favorite part of Christmas, the authority.
Pam: And the fear.

Last week, Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. And as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs. – Jim Halpert

Dwight Schrute: Hey, hey, hey, hey. What do you think you’re doing? What’s this? What’s The Fist?
Jim Halpert: It’s just a social club. Like the French Revolution or The Black Panthers or communism. It’s just a club. Guys talking.
Dwight Schrute: You expect me to believe that you’re starting a rebellion?
Jim Halpert: Nope, social club. God, I hate when everybody calls us a rebellion.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, you know what? I would love to join The Fist.
Jim Halpert: And we would love to have you, but not today. Unfortunately, it’s a bad day, what with Operation Overthrow and everything.

Dwight, listen, no matter what happens, you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one woman who’s gonna make all this worth it. At the end of the day, you gotta jump. You love Angela, Dwight. I think you always have. – Jim Halpert

I ate a tuna sandwich on my first day, so then Andy started calling me ‘Big Tuna.’ I don’t think any of them know my real name. – Jim Halpert

Dwight tried to kiss me. – Jim Halpert

I’ve never been a kiss up. It’s just not how I operate. I mean I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, halfheartedly. – Jim Halpert

You know what, I would save the receptionist. – Jim Halpert

Not enough for me? You are everything. – Jim Halpert

I don’t have a lot of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left I took a box of Dwight’s stationery. So from time to time, I send Dwight faxes… from himself… from the future. – Jim Halpert

Now exactly how much pot did you smoke? – Jim Halpert

One day, Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then. – Jim Halpert

We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead, we’d do stuff like.. uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… Pretendinitis. – Jim Halpert

Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel. – Jim Halpert

I had to put more and more nickels in his handset, so he would get used to the weight. Then one day… I took ‘em all out. – Jim Halpert

Oh! No, it’s not. They call it Quad-desk. – Jim Halpert

Oh so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift. I found a recording device in it. Yes. So. I think if I play it just right, I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure. – Jim Halpert

Pam Beesly: Here’s the story, that guy in there is Jim’s childhood friend, Tom.
Jim Halpert: Tom Matoshkin, one of my best buddies, actually.
Pam Beesly: And when they were both in the third grade, Jim was placed in the top reading group.
Jim Halpert: It was blue group, so it was second from the top.
Pam Beesly: And Tom…
Jim Halpert: Was in green group.
Pam Beesly: And Jim’s mom suggested that Jim spent time hanging with the kids in his reading group, because she thought that they would be a good influence.
Jim Halpert: And that’s what I told him.
Pam Beesly: Right, but how’d you say it?
Jim Halpert: …My mom thinks you’re too dumb to hang out with.

Got it a week after we started dating. – Jim Halpert

Jim: How many buttons do you have?
Dwight: 40… always.

Dwight: Jim, tell him wear he can stick his grapes.
Jim: In the fridge!

Dwight: Is there a belt above black?
Jim: You should ask him. It’s a color you would never expect.

Dwight: What is the antidote?
Jim: True love’s kiss.

Why don’t I wanna go? Didn’t expect to need a reason so let me think here. Um. I don’t know any of these people, it’s an obligation, I don’t think talking paper in my free time (or in my work time), and did I use the word pointless? – Jim Halpert

Jim: I mean, I don’t even know what I’d do with all that money.
Dwight: I know what you’d do with all that money: ‘Hey Pam, let’s buy expensive bathrobes and hug.’

Jim: The raise isn’t real.
Dwight: Money isn’t real ever since we got off the gold standard.

Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, which was just to wait. For a really long time, that’s all I had. I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that I was waiting for my wife. – Jim Halpert

Jim: Why is there so much saliva?
Dwight: All I had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.