20+ Best Funny Breakup Quotes: Exclusive Selection

A relationship breakup, or simply just breakup, is the termination of an intimate relationship by any means other than death. Inspirational funny breakup quotes will encourage growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.

If you’re searching for funniest quotes ever and funniest motivational quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of extremely funny car quotes, hilarious cat quotes and funniest celebrity quotes.

Famous Funny Breakup Quotes

Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. – Jerry Seinfeld

My dog is having puppies and I need to take a year off in order to train them to attack your picture. – Unknown

My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her. – Azgraybebly Joslan

This just isn’t for me. Nothing personal. I want to be able to tell people – I’m single. – Unknown

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that. – Steve Martin

One way to break up any kind of tension is good deep breathing. – Byron Nelson

funny breakup quotes

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. – Mary Kay Blakeley

You talked about the future, and that freaked me out. It makes me sick to think about it. – Unknown

Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. – Rita Mae Brown

Men are a luxury, not a necessity. – Cher

If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Seriously. Punch them in the face and go get some ice cream. – Frank Ocean

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. – Rita Rudner

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you? – Unknown

hilarious breakup quotes

My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money. – Wendy Liebman

I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost as if you’re here! – Billy Ray Cyrus

In our family we don’t divorce our men — we bury them. – Ruth Gordon

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you. – Margaret Atwood

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