A relationship breakup, or simply just breakup, is the termination of an intimate relationship by any means other than death. Inspirational funny breakup quotes will encourage growth in life, make you wiser and broaden your perspective.
If you’re searching for funniest quotes ever and funniest motivational quotes that perfectly capture what you’d like to say or just want to feel inspired yourself, browse through an amazing collection of extremely funny car quotes, hilarious cat quotes and funniest celebrity quotes.
Famous Funny Breakup Quotes
If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Seriously. Punch them in the face and go get some ice cream. Frank Ocean
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry
The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends. Gwyneth Paltrow
Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. Rita Mae Brown
Living apart is hardly possible if people have children together. It can also be more expensive to maintain two homes. But then, it’s expensive to break up when you live in one property. Deborah Moggach
I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me. Elayne Boosler
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. Johnny Carson
I break up very well. I am a good breaker-upper. Simon Cowell
The heart was made to be broken. Oscar Wilde
I don’t think marriages break up because of what you do to each other. They break up because of what you must become in order to stay in them. Carol Grace
I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost as if you’re here! Billy Ray Cyrus
A breakup would imply she was my girlfriend. She was a girl who was my friend who is now a girl who is not my friend. Sheldon Cooper
Break ups aren’t fair. Why does only one person have power? We both agreed to start dating. Why do you get to make the decision to end it? Shouldn’t it be a joint decision too Alyssa Rose Ivy
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be. Ellen Burstyn
I will always love the false image I had of you. Ashleigh Brilliant
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else. Mae West
Breakups were so painful, especially the relationships that haven’t even started. David
In our family we don’t divorce our men — we bury them. Ruth Gordon
Amazing Funny Breakup Quotes
When your ex says ‘You’ll never find anyone like me’. Say ‘that’s the point’. Drake
It’s relaxing to go out with my ex-wife because she already knows I’m an idiot. Warren Thomas
You know what is the worst thing about being rejected? The lack of control. If I could only control the where and how of being dumped, it wouldn’t seem as bad. Rob Fleming
A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you. Margaret Atwood
How could I be sleeping with this peculiar man. Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste. Margaret Atwood
Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. Jerry Seinfeld
When one door closes another door opens. Usually a refrigerator. Bonnie McFarlane
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes if I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose. Rita Rudner
There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that. Steve Martin
I know one husband and wife who, whatever the official reasons given to the court for the break up of their marriage, were really divorced because the husband believed that nobody ought to read while he was talking and the wife that nobody ought to talk while she was reading. Vera Brittain
There is a good way to break up with someone and it doesn’t include a Post-it. (Carrie) Sex and the City
Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp. Bob Ettinger
Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. Mary Kay Blakeley
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. Zsa Zsa Gabor
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. Woody Allen
Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling. (Joey) Friends
Every time I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. Oscar Levant
My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money. Wendy Liebman
My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her. Azgraybebly Joslan
Your heart is my piñata. Chuck Palahniuk
